A few people I trust have mentioned to me - re: my blatherings of late - that I may be showing signs of post-traumatic stress disorder. They said that PTSD is pretty common among long-time infertile women, and that it can also pop up with a vengeance after a 'success.'
I knew about PTSD, but I thought that only had to do with war veterans, not TTC vets. So this is what I found on the INCIID web site:
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) -- A psychological disorder that develops in some individuals after a major traumatic experience such as war, rape, domestic violence, or accident. There are some articles written about PTSD as a complication of infertility or as a result of pregnancy loss. Some symptoms include avoidance, guilt, depression, flashbacks, nightmares, and excessive irritability.
Great. Something else to worry about. I'm not trying to self-diagnose, but those symptoms sound awfully familiar. Maybe that is why I acted so oddly after the initial BFP. And maybe that is why I can't get any work done on my thesis. Or sleep.
Anyway, I am most assuredly not posting this information as a pity grab. I'm sharing this because I know that many of us TTC'ers struggle with the number that IF pulls on our brains and hearts and bodies. The idea of a mental disorder as a result of endless IF and repeated losses does not shock me, and I don't think it will surprise any of you, either. We're all too familiar with IF-related traumas and the havoc they can wreak. I think it's best to be informed, so I thought I'd put this out there.
Monday, May 25, 2009
post-traumatic stress disorder
Posted by one-hit_wonder at 10:34 p.m.
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8 comments:
I've heard that - first heard it the week I started my blog, I first stumbled onto the blog of an artist who had definite PTSD, was being treated for the trauma, and would have uncontrollable outbursts on encountering pregnant women and infants that she was just learning to bring back under control. I feel more warped and twisted out of my familiar personality than really traumatized, but I'm no mental health expert.
Are you thinking about talking to a professional about this? I'd be interested to know what they say if so.
Eeks...Yikes...
I dunno about you having PTSD....that's the last thing I would diagnose about you right now!
But I will tell you something that I have noticed as a change in your blog....you have mellowed down....not as in diluted....but as a change in the tone and mood of the blog...
but, PTSD? Not!
Shhhh....Secret CIA assignment. This is coded super green - which means you can't ignore it at all!
http://ovulationticker.blogspot.com/2009/05/8-8-on-8.html
Oh, absolutely. Infertility &/or loss can really do a number on your psyche. One of the reasons I did not continue with infertility treatments was I started having panic attacks. I thought I was having a heart attack at first. Once I realized what it was, I knew I just couldn't continue to put myself through this. I didn't do as many treatments as some people have done (& I never did IVF), but believe me, it was enough.
infertility and loss do a number on you. a lot of people throw out the "talk to someone" comment. but i dont know that therapy is for everyone. it's not for me. i talk to my priest and my husband, and that helps me. but, i am a firm believer that, if you feel like you need to talk to someone, finding the person that works for you. have you discussed your feelings with your re? he or she is trained in how to deal with if patients who may be struggling.
sending hugs...
I completely think IF can lead to PTSD. I did not go through even remotely what you or many other women went through but IF messed me up. There is a remote possibility we could get pg again, but I absolutely can not go through it all again (I feel completely panicked any time I think about it) and I still feel guilt that I was blessed with a child and there are so many couples who are not able to have one.
But you having PTSD? I dunno.
I had that when I got robbed not fun at all.
hope you get through it.
Good post. never thought about IF that way.
I'm having bouts of insomnia and crankiness and general slackness too, I have finals in less than 2 weeks and I'm going back to bed to sleep my day away.
we can du it!
xx
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