apparently i am massive?

Am getting really tired of people’s comments. Wow, can they ever say and do dumb things to pregnant women. E.g., inspecting my butt to see if I’m having a boy or a girl; or one of my SILs walking into my house and exclaiming that my ankles are huge.

I felt really good about my self-image until people started telling me how massive I have apparently become. This doesn’t even really make sense to me. I was average-sized to begin with – and quite toned from the gym – and I’ve gained only around 20 pounds. You really can’t even tell from my face or from my posterior view that I’m expecting: all the weight is in my belly and, to some extent, in my upgraded boobs. So I think, realistically, that I must look normal for a woman who’s at 33 weeks’ gestation, but that’s hard to remember when all the adults around me – not the kids or even the adolescent students in my care, interestingly enough – are emphasizing my seemingly elephantine proportions. DH waves it off and tells me I look gorgeous, though, so that’s good.

Anyway, I’m GLAD to be huge – it means I have a baby growing away!

midwife appointment

Midwife appointment. DH managed to attend, and then the focus turned to helping HIM cope with labour and delivery! He was ridiculous during the appointment. He’s nervous about how baby’s getting out and so it calms him to heckle the midwife. Good thing she’s a good sport about it!

Ninja is doing well. His position is occipital posterior, meaning that he’s head down, facing out, when I want to get him to face my back. So I’m supposed to sit hunched forward, or lie on my sides, rather than lounging to try to get him to turn around in the next 7 weeks, otherwise I’ll apparently get really bad back labour.

baby shower

One of my dear friends threw me a baby shower today. Involved her family, whom I consider family, as well. They took me to the nearest REAL city for lunch at an Italian restaurant and shopping. Then we went back to her parents’ place for gifts and snacks. I wasn’t terribly talkative, since I was so tired from the week at school, but I had a wonderful time. And they gave me the loveliest things: 3 handmade blankets, a box of homemade canned goods and baking, a Bumbo (have never seen this before but it looks like a great idea), and a bunch of other stuff.

So it wasn't really a shower: it was just her family, there were no games, no decorations, and no goofy finger sandwiches. Yay! It was a million times better.

Then I finally felt in the mood to shop, so I went back to said real city on Sunday and did baby shopping. Well, really I got necessities for a homebirth. Everything from an aquarium net to lemon juice!

whoa, i'm big!

Now I REALLY feel pregnant.

Starting last weekend, my sleep started getting affected - I'm up to pee every night at 3 or 4 in the morning, and can't go back to sleep afterward. By Wednesday I was such a zombie that I had to call in sick. (Ninja had a great time that day, incidentally - he didn't sleep all afternoon, and was busy jumping around. It was fun.)

Ninja is growing and growing. He likes to push himself out as far as possible, so there are baby body parts sticking out everywhere. DH thinks this is all massively gross! Haha.

And, also starting this week, people started commenting on how fat I am. (Which I'm not, actually: I'm pregnant, not fat.) I'm getting these comments every day at work, and it makes me wonder why people can be so inconsiderate toward pregnant women. I mean, I am aware that I look very different, but there's a good reason for it, and I don't need to have it pointed out to me. A colleague actually told me that my face was "chubbing out." I looked at her in shock; she tried to clarify what she was saying, but it didn't work, and I was too stunned to respond. I don't know where the comment came from - my face looks the same as it did before. But I was nearly in tears for the next hour - I hadn't slept in two days and my classes were wearing me out, so I was hyper-sensitive.

These are not complaints, incidentally. Overall I feel good, except for the fatigue. Actually, I feel better than normal because since I got pregnant, my chronic debilitating back and neck pain have disappeared. I'll take all the pregnancy discomforts in exchange for having a comfortable spine!

And I am surprised, honestly, that these physical sensations took so long to crop up. I mean, really - I made it to week 31 feeling almost completely normal. I thought I'd feel like crap for all 40 weeks, so my experience has been amazing!

midwife appointment today

DH surprised me by showing up. Good timing for it, too, as we went through the birth plan, so it was helpful to have him there for such decisions as circumcision (the answer to which is a resounding no, by the way). DH was cracking jokes out of sheer anxiety and nervousness; I didn't realize the extent to which he dreads l & d. He grew up on a farm, so he's more than familiar with the birth process, but he says "an animal is different than a wife."

We'll see if he's even present, though. He'll likely be too far away to drive back in time, though he's going to try, of course. And even if he does make it, I don't know if he'll stay in the same room as me. I'm not too worried about it, though.

Anyway, the midwife checked out the baby, and all is well. DH was very curious about what she was looking for and why. And apparently I had a contraction while she was doing the examination, but I didn't feel it. I haven't felt any of those toning contractions that I'm supposedly having. Yay for me.

Wanna hear something funny? Cervadil (which I guess is an agent that helps induce labour) is made from pig semen. Ewwwwwww... (I did not know this, but DH sure did! the midwife mentioned Cervadil when we were discussing how to avoid induction, and DH started laaaaaughing...)

Had the worst dream!

I have the baby. It's a he. He's happy, quiet, content. Very small.

I keep misplacing him! Put him on the couch, then can't find him. Getting anxious. It's been three hours since he last nursed; I need to feed him - he must be dehydrated already - but where is he?

I dig frantically through the pile of coats and blankets on the couch. Nothing there. I go through the coats: I know I put him on the couch, so maybe he's sleeping in a jacket pocket? Nope, no baby.

And then I wake up. :(

definitely feeling pregnant

oh boy, the pregnancy aches and pains i kept hearing about have kicked in. literally. 2 days ago, ninja started giving me 'crotch zingers.' yowch!

yesterday i was officially 'uncomfortable.' sitting on a friend's couch, baby stretched out in an awkward position, and me feeling as though my period would start any minute: cramps reaching from my abdomen to my knees. went home, went to the bathroom, and then felt ok. don't know what that was about. was it a contraction?

i can't stay on my feet forever, as i've been able to do for most of 2nd and 3rd tri. get too tired and out of breath, and sciatic nerve starts grumbling.

also, i can't change positions in bed without practically standing up and then switching sides. otherwise my stomach hurts.

the discomfort pretty much all started this week, at week 30. i take an anthropological interest in all of this. i'm so grateful to be pregnant - i still check the tp every single time to see if there's blood - i find my changing body completely fascinating.

i still think i look good. i looked at myself in the mirror and thought about how lucky i am and how much i like my body right now. strange. i wonder how i'll feel about my body post birth. i hope it's not too much of a culture shock for me, even though i know a lot of yucky things are just inevitable.

on a side note, my prenatal classes have been cancelled, due to lack of woman- and man-power because of the H1N1 thing. ah well. my midwife said it was no big deal; she'd tell me what i need to know. oh i am so glad to have her - a doctor would never have the time for that!

H1N1

Got the H1N1 shot. My muscles are pretty sore, especially my pelvic area and butt. I have to walk pretty slowly. And I was so tired last night - I kept falling asleep even though I was trying to stay awake! That was a first for me.

Baby is still fine - regular movements, etc.

Anyway, I am glad I got it. H1N1 has hit our town, and at least 1 of my students told me that he'd had it. I have other students, as well, who are so sick I don't know why they don't stay home or go to the hospital.

The reason I finally made up my mind: I e-mailed the RE, whom DH and I both trust, and he said that he's recommending it for us both, as well as the seasonal flue vaccine. That was the deciding factor. He's the miracle man in our collective opinion, so what he says goes.

scaring the baby

DH and I scared the $hit out of the baby yesterday, and we're feeling bad about it! DH is busy renovating the basement, and it got really loud yesterday for around half an hour as he and his apprentice messed around with the ductwork: it felt like the floor was going to cave in. Ninja jumped around and shuddered. I felt so bad; didn't know what to do. It was too late to go to someone else's house, no restaurant was open that late, and it was too cold to sit outside. Ah, poor baby. :(

DH tiptoed in this morning to see me, and he asked anxiously if the baby was ok, and planted a kiss on my belly. I think so, but I hope we didn't traumatize him!

update

Busy busy around here. Report card time, basement renovations, more thesis revisions, and so on. Hoping to do my thesis defense before Ninja arrives; we'll see.

Found out this week that DH will be GONE in January because of his job, and will likely miss Ninja's arrival. He's trying to retool his schedule, but there aren't many options. It's unavoidable. So I plan to hire a doula; plus my dear friend, S, says she'll be there for the birth and afterward, if I need her. Nobody else will be allowed to see the baby until DH gets home. Nothing else we can do about it.

Still considering where to have this baby. Initially, my instinct said 'hospital' - even though I KNOW that for healthy women with uncomplicated pregnancies, home is just as safe, if not safer. My midwife encouraged me to trust my instinct. But now I'm thinking that home would be better. I don't want to be on a hospital timeline to give birth - the idea of having to watch the clock would make me anxious, and possibly slow my labour - plus I'm leery of all the flu-ridden people who'll likely be in the same building. And my house is not far from a high-risk hospital, so that works in my favour. Good thing I can change my mind at any time re: locale.

After much deliberation, I've decided to get the unadjuvanted version of the H1N1 shot. I've never gotten a flu shot before - and would normally not consider it - but my gut tells me to do it. DH is really unhappy about this, but I pointed out to him that my health is also at stake here, since I'm in daily contact with hundreds of germ-ridden children. I've had students so sick that I've sent them home, or even to the hospital.

But so far I am well. Nothing much to report, really. My bra in the last week has become slightly too tight, so I shifted to a maternity bra. And my sleep habits have become odd: I'm having less trouble falling asleep, but I awaken really early (like 4 a.m.!). Belly keeps blossoming, so I guess I'm eating enough!

Ninja is beginning to live up to his name. Yesterday he was pushing his head and his butt up against my lungs, and it was hard to breathe! Then, for about half an hour, he went crazy, all limbs flailing at once. I felt like a gigantic can of shaken-up Coke!