Letter to my ovaries

On SC today, a few of us wrote letters to our ovaries. We are using reverse psychology on them in order to make them spit out a few measly eggs.

Here is mine:

To my dear, cherished ovaries:

After a great deal of self-reflection, I have decided that having a baby is not for me. That's the honest truth. So keep your eggs for whatever sinister purpose you have had for them all these years. Fry them up with bacon, if that's what you want. TTC is over and done. No more bd'ing - it's just SEX from now on.

Sincerely,

XX

P.S. I took Provera for 10 days this cycle, so you don't even stand a chance!


However, I was soundly outdone by one of my buddies, who left us all howling!:


Dear Ovaries:

We regret to inform you that your role as organs relating to the conception of a child is hereby terminated. It is our understanding that you have been censured regarding this matter three times without effect; see attached transcripts of "Crying jag" - December 15, 2007, "Angry Tirade" - December 16, 2007, "Hopeless Yowling Session" - December 17, 2007.

As you have failed to modify your performance after three formal warnings we are terminating our relationship with you.

Please be advised, that effective immediately you are no longer authorized to monopolize our thinking and, life decisions, &/or budgeting concerning any matters pertaining to conception.

Yours truly,

XX

So I can still blame all this crap on bad genes, right?

Dh's stillborn niece did not have 'The Mennonite Disease,' although the doctors were convinced that that was the problem. I was so relieved to hear that. Strange, the macabre things that make TTC'ers relieved.

So we have to wait for my dad's results from the genetic testing that was done when my cousin, who did have 'The Mennonite Disease,' was stillborn. He doesn't know if he's a carrier because he never got the results. I'm less worried now, though, since dh is in the clear, so that lessens our chances. I was becoming paranoid that dh and I were the unlucky receipients of the crappy genetics jackpot.

This 'Menno Disaster' is actually called Hypophosphatasia; it has many forms, but it seems to involve uncalcified bones. Babies in utero who have it are always stillborn. 1 out of 25 Manitoba Mennonites has the recessive gene, and 1 out of 2,500 births involves a baby with this dreadful syndrome.

Interestingly, as I was perusing scientific research about this, I happened across a medical study out of The University of Manitoba which examined the unusually high prevalence of diabetes and other such metabolic disorders in the Manitoba Mennonites. PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome, which is so near and dear to my own heart) wasn't named, but that would definitely be included in this framework. So I can still blame all this crap on bad genes, rights?

As for other headlines from the frontline, I just finished my last Provera pill, so I'm expecting af on Tuesday. That means that I can do my CD3 baselines on Thursday. That's the first time for this procedure. My last RE was not nearly this careful. Suffice it to say that he was not the most thorough doctor in the history of reproductive endocrinology.

I wish I had all these 'misconceptions' - I wrote this for the SoulCysters TTC board

I wish I had all these 'misconceptions'

I wish...

...I thought that I ovulate twice per cycle.

...I thought something was wrong with me during the 4 days in a cycle when my cervical mucous becomes copious

....I believed that ovulation pain is just a pulled muscle

....I truly believed that dh could "just look at me" and I'd get pregnant.

...I thought that cough syrup was just that: for coughs.

...I could cringe at the sight of a needle.

...I could complain about morning sickness.

...I could feel sad that my favourite Gaultier doesn't fit over my belly.

...I could get impatient with my children for being so demanding.

...I knew what it was like to think "Just relax and it'll happen" to a crying friend.

...I could take life for granted.

Now that I look back at this list, which began as sarcasm and ends as something else, I know that this journey has been the best thing for me. As hard as it is to admit this, a fruitless attempt to conceive has made me a stronger and more sensitive person.

I still wish I didn't know so much about being involuntarily childless, but I'd never give it all back.

Finally, finally, finally, with kudos to the amazing (not) Canadian medical health system...

I got my first RE appointment last Friday! I waited for six months for this.

I spent most of the afternoon there. I was on CD39, with no o in sight.

Of course, af arrived in the middle of today's pap smear. *rolls eyes*

Anyway, they said that I won't be able to start a medicated cycle for at least two months. I just about started bawling in the office when I heard that. But they're doing much more comprehensive testing than my last RE did, including genetic testing for cystic fibrosis and for a deadly syndrome that is prevalent among the Manitoba Mennonite population (since both sides of our family carry the genes). They're also running much more extensive bloodwork than I've ever had. And they are going to do the 2 hour GTT, which amazed me because all of my doctors in Manitoba refused to order that test for me.So I figure that if the reason for the delay is that they're being extra-careful, then that's a good thing and I can be patient for a little while longer.

Their preliminary thoughts are that there's a subtle disruption in hormones and other such bodily chemicals that is affecting my fertility, and that my previous doctor missed it. But they were very impressed with how I've been managing the PCOS so far, though, which made me feel good! It's been hard work, but it is worth it!

I've been switched from Metformin to Glumetza. Met doesn't seem to do anything for me, and I've been on it for 18 months, so they want to see if the Glumetza is more effective. And they prescribed a prenatal vitamin with a higher dose of folic acid. Apparently in Canada the recommendation for daily folic acid for pg and ttc women has gone from 1 mg to 5 mg!

Next step is injectables and IUI. So we're looking at February, possibly, for that.

I did like the new RE (and her assistant, who is also a resident infertility specialist, actually). They seemed so thorough, they encouraged my questions, and they liked it that I was researching so many infertility issues on my own.

I felt bad for dh being in the room during the RE appointment. I mean, it was unavoidable, but still. He was there for the pap smear and the 30,000 questions. Looked like he was almost in tears. He whispered to me when the doc left for a moment, "I can't believe you have to go through all this. I'm sorry." And when we both had our bloodwork done, he turned white as he watched the nurse take 8 vials of blood. He'd never, ever had blood drawn before! Isn't that crazy!? So the nurse got 4 vials off of him, that little whiny weenie! I love him! LOL

I'm baaaaaack!!

With hugs and kisses! Mwah!

I just got a message from someone who asked if I was coming back. Yay, I felt wanted! lol Thanks for that. I get lazy about posting on here because I can never remember my password!

If you want to know what I was up to in the meantime, check out the SoulCysters web site, where I write about my baby-making dilemmas with no shortage of detail. SC is a web site for women with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), which is a metabolic disorder. My username is one-hit_wonder. Most often, I frequent the Turtlepokers thread on the Trying to Conceive board. We are a bunch of zany dames.