infertility and facebook

If you're infertile, Facebook hurts. The pregnancy announcements, the ultrasound pics, the 'woe is me' status updates, etc. Heck, my niece even posted on Facebook a play-by-play of her labour and delivery!

Julie over at A Little Pregnant posted a great entry about being infertile on Facebook. It's a response to a Washington Post article about the topic. Julie's mock Facebook status updates in this post are riotously funny and painfully true.

Loribeth (of The Road Less Travelled) wrote an interesting response.

Ah, Facebook. I love it and I hate it.

af

i did ovulate last week and it hurt like an SOB. it was a double-barrel, too: both ovaries were aching.

i wanted to bd but that didn't happen. i was disappointed. we haven't missed a baby-making opportunity in years.

as it turns out, it would've been a lost cause. i got my period today - just a week after ovulation. what a short luteal phase! according to kellymom, i have 'ovulation without luteal competence.' so there ya go.

pcos=milk oversupply?

ah, this makes me feel sour, no pun intended!

i knew, going into motherhood, that my pcos might result in an undersupply of milk.

however, for the first 6 months of ninja's life, i had an oversupply of milk. it led to her copious daily vomiting, lost sleep (because she'd throw up once or twice before nursing to sleep), and other things such as me leaking through everything all the time.

with the help of jack newman's breastfeeding book, i realized - FINALLY - what the problem was and i figured out on my own how to fix it (i had to pump once or twice a day until i was dry - then feed baby).

today i happened to come across research suggesting that in women with pcos, an oversupply can result (and in a rather large percentage!).

AGHHHHHH. would have been good to know that going into all of this! i mean, i'm glad i had too much rather than not enough but it would have been nice to avoid it by being proactive. but breastfeeding isn't exactly out-in-the-open common knowledge and so how would i have known that?

mommy moments

ran into a former colleague (the one from a few months ago who b!tched about being a mom). she's expecting again. yay for her.

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my dh's employee is 18 years old. so is his new wife. they are 'trying.'

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i have a cousin, A, who, despite her love for animals and her volunteer work in palliative care, is missing a sensitivity chip. we bicker on Facebook over spanking (i'm con, she's pro), how old the world is, SAHM vs 'work out' mom, etc. she says some things that make me feel absolutely incredulous. i think i blogged about her a few weeks ago (re: the spanking issue).

anyway, she just said the dumbest thing online.

A's Facebook status: I can't believe I'm turning 30 in a few weeks! I'm getting old!

Our mutual cousin, S (dealt with infertility her whole life and has never been able to sustain a pregnancy) comments: i'm looking forward to my next birthday, and i'll be 40...But, have never felt younger than i do these days...

A: What's your secret? Not having kids maybe? LOL

S: very close...having a hysterectomy

A: LOL Well I don't wanna do that. lol

yep, i wanna smack her, too. my dh, who normally doesn't swear, let out a string of expletives when i told him about A's latest online misdemeanour.

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ran into another cousin today. she's open about her infertility and baby loss (one live child, miscarriages, and one stillborn child). she mentioned that her RE had given her the green light to try again. IVF was supposed to be the best option but she didn't want to go through with that.

ah, i wanted to tell her. but i couldn't.

then she mentioned her reasons against IVF (excess embryos, playing God, etc.). including what public opinion would be if she tried it.

every reason why I am NOT open about my ART experiences. i'm glad i kept mum, at least for now.

she wondered sadly if she needed to accept that she had a one-child family.

i said fiercely that she needed to do what was best for herself. i added that i was happy for her green light and that she'd be in my thoughts. she smiled gratefully at me. she probably thinks she's the only one. if she only knew.

love

i just went into our room for the third time to put my little girl back to bed (a common occurrence). i lay down beside her. lying on her tummy, she propped herself up to examine my face and touch me to see if mommy was really beside her. with a sigh, she snuggled into my side, stretched out her arm, and fell back asleep.

this child barely naps and she doesn't sleep well at night, either. i could have jumped up and finally had some time to myself (which, really, i need and desire). but it was too sweet to lie in the dark, listening to the radio, and cuddling with my almost-9-month-old daughter.

i've always heard parents say that they didn't know what love was until their children were born. that they didn't understand the force of parental love until it smacked them in the face. that the waves of love came upon birth; or that they developed over time.

i can say unequivocally that my maternal feelings are the same as they were before she was even conceived. i never experienced a sudden 'aha' moment about my feelings for my daughter. when i first laid eyes on her, i simply thought, "oh, there you are!" i loved and wanted her passionately. i always have, i still do, and i always will.

ovulating?

i think i'm ovulating. all the signs are there.

i didn't think it would come so soon. but ninja is starting to gum down her solids, i've cut back on night nursing, and yeah. according to the la leche league, it's not that surprising that my fertility (ha) would return.

i don't want to deal with this. i know exactly what i'll do when my cycles resume: still try to get pregnant 'naturally.' and i'll be disappointed every single time.

at least it won't be as bad as before. i've got ninja. but still.

Nobel Prize for Medicine

Congratulations, Robert Edwards. We are grateful.

Also, I saw another interesting story on new developments in IVF research.

work? or sahm?

might be going back to work in january. i am so conflicted about this (as is every new mother, i know). my old principal recruited me. i loved working with her. and now that i have a graduate degree, i'd get decent pay.

pros:
-$ (my maternity leave runs out in january and dh's paycheque is barely enough for us to live on)
-i like the school
-i could get out of the house every day - i get so claustrophobic every day
-ninja would be exposed to other kids
-ninja would spend time with my mom and would pick up one of our native languages
-i could still nurse ninja during most noon hours

cons:
-that much time away from ninja?
-the winter drive is wicked
-no sleep (ninja wakes up 7-12 times/night)
-no free time whatsoever
-will i find good daycare? will a spot even be open?
-would ninja adjust? would she nap at daycare? would she cry all day for me?

i have 2 or 3 weeks to decide.