floaty

For whatever reason, I was standing in the bathroom just now, about to turn the light off, and I realized how precious and amazing life is. I'm so happy to be alive, I'm so happy with my partner, and I hope that I get to share all of the joy of life with my own children one day.

news

On a somewhat positive note, I got my first communication from my new infertility clinic. Had to fill out yet another clinical form about premature ejaculation (his, not mine! ha ha!), hirsutism, how often I have sex, and other things that I don't want to tell strangers about. Faxed that in 3 days ago, so now I'm waiting for the phone call to get the first appointment. I am hoping so bad that I can get an appointment before Christmas.

Oh, and if you're keeping track of how many family pregnancies I find out about through Facebook, you can add one more: another cousin posted the news about her brother's expected baby.

So, in the spirit of Facebook, I'd like to post the following info on my personal feed:

"____ is not expecting quadruplets, or even triplets, anytime soon. Just in case anyone wants to know. And please don't tell me and dh that we have to actually have sex to get knocked up: we do the deed way more often than you do, you pathetic once-a-weekers! So there! Nah nah nah nah!"

another cycle

I did ovulate, apparently, and went through an extra-long luteal phase. Finally got af on cd16. That's extraordinarily late for me, so I said to dh that maybe I had a chemical pregnancy, but who knows? I don't.

I saw the following devotional on the SoulCysters web site, and thought I should share it. I'm struggling so bad right now to keep my faith in God - I feel on the verge of giving up, and I have no one to talk to about it - so I took some comfort in these words:

DISCERNMENT OF FAITH

Faith as a grain of mustard seed...Matthew 17:20
http://www.SearchGodsWord.org/desk/?query=mt+17:20&sr=1

We have the idea that God rewards us for our faith, it may be so in the initial stages; but we do not earn anything by faith, faithbrings us into right relationship with God and gives God Hisopportunity. God has frequently to knock the bottom board out of your experience if you are a saint in order to get you into contact with Himself. God wants you to understand that it is a life of faith, nota life of sentimental enjoyment of His blessings. Your earlier life of faith was narrow and intense, settled around a little sun-spot of experience that had as much of sense as of faith in it, full of light and sweetness; then God withdrew His conscious blessings in order toteach you to walk by faith. You are worth far more to Him now than you were in your days of conscious delight and thrilling testimony.

Faith by its very nature must be tried, and the real trial of faith is not that we find it difficult to trust God, but that God's character has to be cleared in our own minds. Faith in its actual working out has to go through spells of unsyllabled isolation. Never confound the trial of faith with the ordinary discipline of life, much that we call the trial of faith is the inevitable result ofbeing alive. Faith in the Bible is faith in God against everything that contradicts Him - I will remain true to God's character whatever He may do. "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him" - this is the most sublime utterance of faith in the whole of the Bible.