(Mis)conceptions and Great Expectations: 5w00t6d

Monday, May 25, 2009

5w00t6d

Nervous and morose. Not as bad as stims or the 2ww or POAS hell or beta hell. But I'm getting there again. *Grimace* I woke up with all my symptoms gone. I'm very worried, of course, that the embryo has stopped developing, and that I'll find out about it only at the 8w ultrasound.

I want an u/s now, or at least another beta.

Not much for symptoms yesterday (no tingles or anything going on in my uterus), either. Even the bbs weren't really sore. So I'm hoping, of course, for the onset of more symptoms that can't be related to Prometrium or Estrace. Like morning sickness. Only TTC vets get excited, of course, about the prospect of barfing. I was reading up on when m/s might start, and it could be as soon as 6w, which is tomorrow.

I have felt the slightest, barest nausea from time to time, but really, if this were a 'natural' and unplanned pregnancy, I don't think I would have noticed it. Besides, nausea is a s/e of the supps. Errrrrr. My stomach was unhappy for a few seconds yesterday before I ate breakfast. But that could also be anything.

In the meantime, I'll have to assume that my fatigue every morning is a bonafide symptom. Right? I had to lie down again at 11 yesterday morning - I felt as though I was being hit by a tidal wave of exhaustion. I'm fine with that - if it's a pregnancy symptom, I'll take it.

I think I will sign up with a local midwife, even though I'm moving this summer and it really doesn't pay. Maybe she will allay my fears. Would she give me an ultrasound?

I really feel sorry for all of my IF- and baby-related medical practitioners. I think, if everything keeps progressing, I'm going to be a labour-intensive (no pun intended) patient. But honestly, who can blame me? This is all too good to be true. Surely something will go awry.

7 comments:

..al said...: Nothing is going awry....you really need somebody to give you a hug...

I am sending an ambulance to your home...the nurse will hold you every 20 minutes and give you flying kisses every 30 minutes and yes shall repeat, YOU ARE PREGGERS, every 50 minutes!

You are being jumpy and I totally understand...

Fatigue is a very common symptom...one of my colleagues used to sleep it out in her cabin after he lunch was over, when she was expecting her son, she just had to get that sleep....

You are OK...breathe!

RRS: Thank You. I am still not knowing everything....we will be calling up my MIL in the evening....; May 25, 2009 at 9:43 a.m.
Michele said...: Our midwife (whom I still use for "woman" care but cant use for home midwifery care b/c I'm HR) doesnt have an u/s machine. The only m/w who have u/s machines ar the ones associated with hospitals or birthing centers.

My symptoms come and go too. It's your body getting used to things. Try not to worry, as hard as it is.

Warm thoughts!; May 25, 2009 at 10:14 a.m.
Victoria said...: OHW,if you still want to be sure, why not try a walk-in clinic? Still. I believe you're still having a viable pregnancy.; May 25, 2009 at 2:13 p.m.
Kate said...: If I ever get pregnant again, I want wise guy's nurse to come to my house too!

I wish i could say something to allay your fears- but hell, I had them too, and will again if I am so lucky. But for now, just know that amazing things can be going on with little to no ado-- seriously, so many folks go through these first few months without even knowing they are pregnant (NOT IFERS I SAY) so-- hang in there but please do ask for what you need-- if you want more blood work ask for it.
ask if tracking your temperature (BBT) means anything since you are on supplements, and if it does, at least you can see that your temp is still up each day-- I am wishing you all good things and hang in there. Good luck and truly, congratulations.
thinking of you,
Kate; May 25, 2009 at 2:38 p.m.
Danielle said...: My severe m/s didn't really kick in until closer to the end of week 7 and by golly, I never saw it coming!

The fatigue - that my dear is a symptom and it too may get better before it's worse.

I dunno what it is about us IVF patients and how we crave confirmation through suffering - but it's common... very very common. If we're not hurting, suffering or uncomfortable then it must mean something isn't working.

The good news is that on this side of the fence, it doesn't have to be that way. It's OK to feel happy, healthy and vibrant. No need for yaking, sore boobs, tender abdomen, constipation or insomnia... it's ok just to be pregnant as is.

Best of luck. I know it's a hard transition to make, but by golly it's wicked amazing.

DBug; May 25, 2009 at 4:19 p.m.
Kate said...: I'd call Dr H and ask for another beta. Tell them you're going insane. Or get a beta done by a family doc or walk-in.
By 6wks, they should be able to scan and at the very least see a gestational sac and possibly fetal pole. Of course I had that and it went to hell in a handbasket by 8.5 weeks, but still - I was glad to have seen that things were progressing as they should rather than waiting it out.
I guess no matter where we are in the process, we're in limbo somehow. I can't decide if I should bug them to come in on the weekend, or if I should just "forget it" for a week and see what's up on Monday. Maybe the stress of the exams will keep things at Day3 till then?; May 25, 2009 at 4:48 p.m.
the misfit said...: Of course something always CAN go wrong further on down the line, but it sure sounds to me like you're a normal pregnant woman! I hear everyone is crazy tired. What else would cause that tiredness but pregnancy? But I totally understand about the paranoia. I would be paranoid, too...; May 25, 2009 at 8:42 p.m.

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Hi!

I'm a teacher and an aspiring writer. I love reading, writing, watching good TV, photography, fashion, and great food. I just finished my graduate degree in Education.

My partner and I tried to conceive, on and off, for over 7 years. I have PCOS (so borderline that it was never really an issue) and the dude has severe male factor. We started this screwy trip by getting misdiagnosed (buddy, you're fine! - your wife has the problem!). I should sue that first clinic.

We had one IVF/ICSI which resulted in a miscarriage. We will not forget.

We got out of the IVF Funhouse over a year ago and my RE told me I was knocked up, but I didn't believe him. I still don't, even though as I type these words the most beautiful 8-month-old girl in the world is sitting on my lap.

Ciao,

One Hit Wonder (now literally!)

(And, thanks to my friends, also known as 'Our Lady of the Lost and Found' and 'Academia Whore.')

TTC c.v.

crap, i should update this list. i did have a baby recently.
Oct 2: Midwife appointment.
Sept. 1: Midwife appointment. Should get a booking for an ultrasound.
August 11: Started (very tentatively) to buy baby necessities.
August 7: Felt baby move!
August 4: Midwife appointment: emotional health check-up. She also says I'm measuring 2 weeks ahead.
July 22: Gp says I'm measuring ahead.
July 9: Told DH's sister, BIL, and 2 nephews. DH and I phone his niece, who's sick with swine flu, to tell her the news - she's in charge of telling the rest of DH's family.
July 7: First appointment with midwife; heard heartbeat. Told my family and then DH's mom. Got doppler in the mail.
June 30: Bought maternity clothes.
June 26: Second u/s and last obstetrical appointment with RE.
June 8: Phoned midwife with u/s news; will set up appointment after we've moved.
June 5: First u/s and obstetrical appointment. One heart doing 140 bpm. :)
May 21: Third beta - 824!!!
May 19: Repeat beta - 309.
May 15: Beta - 113.
May 14: The vaguest of positives, part deux.
May 13: The vaguest of positives. Midwife phones; I don't return the call.
May 12: Afternoon BFN on $ store test.
May 11: BFP! Scared! Already did an intake with a midwife.
May 8: A LOT anxious.
May 7: A little anxious.
May 3: Day 5: Transfer: 2 lovely blasts, already hatching. 4 blasts frozen for later. RE says I have moderate OHSS. Acupuncture.
May 2: Day 4. No updates. Take antibiotic.
May 1: Day 3. Still have 15; 5 are in the lead.
Apr 30: Day 2: 1 embie arrested; 15 developing well. Feeling ill.
Apr 29: Day 1: Fertilization report: 20 mature eggs and 16 fertilized! Speechless! Start Prometrium (3x/day) and Estrace (2x/day).
Apr 28: Egg retrieval. 21 eggs retrieved. Stop coenzyme q-10.
Apr 27: Bloodwork and acupuncture.
Apr 26: Monitoring. Full OHSS protocol. Trigger before bed.
Apr 25: Monitoring. OHSS protocol 'lite.'
Apr 24: Monitoring and acupuncture.
Apr 23: Monitoring.
Apr 22: Monitoring.
Apr 20: Monitoring. Afc 35+. Estrogen 1100.
Apr 17: Pre-stim assessment. Afc 20 and estrogen great. Start Puregon 125 units.
Apr 10: Last bcp. Woot!
Apr 7: Start medically induced menopause (aka: Lupron).
Apr 6: Endometrial biopsy (ouch!), cycle review, $11,070 due. Cyst aspiration cancelled - it burst and is disappearing on its own.
March 21: Start bcp
March 19: Day 3 u/s and b/w. B/w results excellent. U/s shows massive cyst on my purely decorative right ovary; RE wants $500 to aspirate it. wtf?
March 17: CD1 - we're back in the IVF Funhouse
March 11-16, 2009: Spotting. Come on, af!!!
March-May 2009: Second IVF/ICSI/AH (long protocol, plus endometrial biopsy). Hannam says no to Glumetza, as per new research. Waiting for af so I can start Marvelon.
March 2009: Follow-up with Hannam. All tests negative, plus DH’s DNA frag test comes out awesome – better than most men’s! (Though his morphology and motility are still abysmal.) I start extra folic acid again, as well as co-q10.
Feb 2009: Mf testing.
Jan 2009: Negative beta. Clinic says to go straight to IVF stims, no mf testing. DH and I argue about donor. We talk about separating. Switch clinics. Hannam orders mf testing and puts DH on new massive doses of antioxidants. I have karyotyping and SHG. I try a new TCM doctor, but it all COSTS so much!
Dec 2009: FET/AH with Grade 2 5-cell. Faint + on one test at 10 dpt, then nothing.
Nov 2008: WTF appointment - RE says male factor is the cause of our problem, and probably not the PCOS. I go off Glumetza, as per TCM doc’s recommendations, as it’s crashing my blood sugar.
Oct 8, 2008: M/c at 4 weeks 5 days.
Oct. 7, 2008: Beta 20. Start bleeding late at night.
Oct 5, 2008: BFP! Best day of my life. I go to DH's workplace to surprise him.
Aug - Sept 2009: IVF/ICSI (long protocol). 11 eggs, 5 fertilize. (Hardly any sperm at all after the wash.) 2 die on day 3. We transfer 2 average graders; freeze 1.
Summer 2008: At WTF appointment, RE recommends IVF/ICSI. DH starts vitamins. I've been taking vits all along, but now I start acupuncture and Chinese meds, too.
Spring 2008: Injects/IUI. Only 1 follie, for whatever bizarre reason. DH's mf discovered – less than 1 million survive wash, plus motility and morphology SUCK.
August 2007-March 2008: Move 2000 km, partly to find decent IF clinic; WAIT for provincial medical coverage to begin, and then wait some more for RE referral. In the meantime, on vacay in Central America, I o and again don’t get pg – I realize that a natural pg isn’t in the cards.
July 2007: Lap and hyst - ok, except my right ovary is purely decorative, which I knew. No injects yet – huge family issues.
Dec 2006-March 2007: Clomid 4x- BFN -s/a again ok, my bloodwork fine – I beg for thorough tests for myself –HSG is clear.
Dec 2006: First appointment with RE, who is out to lunch in every way, but since we’re in an underfunded and remote area, there’s no choice.
June 3, 2006: DH watches Big Daddy movie and decides that he wants a baby. S/a ok. Referral to IF clinic. I start charting. Am amazed that no one ever told me I could read my body’s fertility signs.
Sometime in 2004 – June 2, 2006: TTC on hold - DH not interested anymore, and I'm in a series of devastating car accidents (none my fault) that wreck my back. Start M.A. Go on Met at some point, even though my bloodwork is now normal and my ovaries don’t look that bad, but it does nothing for me.
Spring 2002- 2004: TTC casually. I don’t know what ‘ovulation’ or ‘Fertility Friend’ are. I never POAS, nor do I care.
Spring 2002: DH’s uncle dies. We think life is too short, so we toss the bcp.
2001 or so: PCOS dx (amenorrhea, right ovary anovulatory, LH:FSH out of control, hair loss, acne, fatigue). I spend the next few years bringing it under control with diet and exercise.
1996: Af always out of whack, so I get bcp (which adds 15 lbs to my frame). Doctors will not test to see what’s going on.

(Mis)conceptions and Great Expectations

Monday, May 25, 2009

5w00t6d

7 comments:

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