11dp5dt

Tested again this morning. It's still positive, but the line isn't any darker. I guess for for today that's as good as it gets.

Yesterday I didn't end up going to a walk-in; instead, I slept, partly to calm down and partly to pass the time.

I'm an effing idiot, too, for not just phoning my clinic to ask for an early beta: a fellow Hannam patient on an IVF board wrote to me late last night to say that they have had no problem with that in the past, if you call the nurse first. But by the time I would have phoned the nurse this morning, I'd have missed the last train to Toronto, so no go. I have to wait. I'm an idiot for not asking. My last clinic wouldn't do an early test, so I just assumed all REs were like that. (Most doctors in this country have God complexes, so it's hard to question them on anything.) My loss. I'm too passive; I really dislike that about myself.

Had some symptoms reappear yesterday, but just for a bit in the afternoon: super-mild nausea, watery cm, occasional electric twinges in my bbs, and feeling overheated. Then had some slight af-like cramps, which I'm not reading into, since I know that could mean anything. (I shouldn't bleed, anyway, until I stop the suppositories.)

Tomorrow's the big day. Beta in the morning; results around noon, I guess. DH and I are going in together. He wants to spend the whole day in Toronto, but if we get bad news, I won't be in the mood, since my life will be in ruins again.

What should my beta be on 12dp5dt? Fill in the blank: I can expect that it should be higher than ___. I checked that beta board web site, but there's a huge variation in 'safe' numbers. I know I've got at least 25 units - probably a bit more - because that's the minimum number that the $store test says it will pick up. I hope it's higher than 25, though, because that means I'd have a really low number tomorrow, and that is often a bad sign. But I guess it's not the number that matters: it's the doubling time. Low numbers are less than ideal, though...

Thanks for waiting it out with me. Am going crazy. I'm tethered to Google. I have the emotional stability of a colicky infant. I crave an Ativan tablet, but don't know if it's safe. Yuuuuck. I need wine to go with my whine.