almost 23 weeks! long post!

Well, I said I'd try posting from my e-mail, but was too exhausted and overrun this week to try it out! I put in a ton of hours - especially because of two evening events at the school. I woke up on Thursday morning at 5 a.m. to my first-ever charley horse (sp?) - YOWCH! - so I guess that's a sign that I need to stay off my feet.

Things are good. The school division offered to change my contract from part-time to 100% - YEAH! That makes a big difference on my paycheque, plus it means that I'm eligible sooner for maternity leave. :) :) :) Now if I have to leave in mid-December, it'll be fine. What a relief! Though I'm still going to try to work as long as I can.

Job is going really well. Admin has been hugely supportive (the principal even comes to check on me in person to make sure I'm not overdoing it), parents have been good, and the kids are fun. I have a large number of highly obnoxious boys, but that's par for the course. Good thing I actually think teenaged boys are funny, although of course a lot on the smelly side. haha

In pregnancy news, my left boob started to 'work' on Monday. I know what colostrum looks like, due to my knowledge of dairy farming (my parents keep extra cow colostrum in the freezer - stored in 2-litre pop bottles - for use on premature and sick calves), and yes, that's what came out. lol But I haven't seen any more since then. Good to know that things are working, though. My boobs are the same size as they were pre-pg - though that will change shortly, of course - but man are my nips ever huge!

Belly keeps growing. DH laughs his ass off every time he sees me. lol So I just ask, "Does this baby make me look fat?" He thinks that's the funniest thing ever. He's very grumpy, though, about not being able to hug me tight or to lie on top of me (he shows affection by draping himself all over me). So our sex life is pretty much nonexistent these days, since only 2 positions seem to work: but he hates one of them and I hate the other. lol

Ninja is not living up to his name so far, though! lol He's quiet all morning and afternoon - even if I drink Coke or coffee or orange juice - and then it's party time at night. Yesterday was the first time that I felt him move nearly all day, which was lovely. He made me giggle when he was bopping around while I tried to be Serious and Erudite Teacher. lol

My inlaws do NOT like to hear that Ninja is still for most of the day, which is understandable, given the family's dead baby history. So I try not to worry them by just not mentioning it. My MIL is still pretending that it's just business as usual - she's said to DH that she's still terrified to get her hopes up. She keeps coming across good used baby items - diapers, snowsuits, etc. - but doesn't buy them because What If. But I think DH and I are very understanding of her feelings, so that's fine.

At the same time, though, we do have to get moving on baby shopping. My first 'big' purchases will be a sling and 0-3 month diapers. Thank goodness for the bump in my salary, since DH still hasn't received a cheque since June!

I've also decided, given my family's annoying behaviour as of late, just to leave my mom out of the baby shower idea. I won't have one, then, but I'm ok with that. I didn't want it for the 'stuff' as much as I wanted the celebration of new life, but I guess all those people will come by at some point anyway, so it's ok. And as far as the 'stuff' goes, DH and I feel pretty minimalist, so we'll figure out how to take care of it. Sadly, everyone our age is long done having babies, so we won't get hand-me-downs.

Still no ultrasound appointment. And Misfit mentioned something in a blog comment: that it shouldn't be legal for a hospital to withhold medical information about me...from me! (Even though I won't ask about gender, I should have a right to find out if I wanted to!) When I thought about it that way, I realized that I am not willing to have an ultrasound there, no matter what. If I don't get in at another city - where I have full access to my own medical information - I will not agree to an ultrasound. Or I'll just pay to get a 4D done.

Supermouse brought up a great point in her comment on my last post: not to get fixated on what kind of birth I want, in case things don't work out the way I planned. I've noticed that a lot of women assume that things will go their way for their births, and they're heartbroken when labour and delivery take a different turn. With all the miscarriages and stillbirths in my husband's family, I think I've got a good handle on what to expect. Which is basically: don't hope for anything more than a healthy baby. I know what I really want - an unmedicated and 'natural' experience - but at the same time, I'm flexible. I'll do whatever needs to be done, and I refuse to beat myself up if things don't go the way I'd hoped.

Case in point: I know a woman due at the beginning of January who just had her baby a few days ago ... at 24 weeks. Things often don't go as planned. (Baby seems to be doing as well as can be expected, though, which is wonderful.) In light of this news, I gave Ninja a stern talking-to: STAY IN UTERO UNTIL JANUARY. Not as though a lecture will accomplish anything useful, especially with a kid as stubborn as ours will be, I'm sure, but whatever.

Ok, I've written enough for now!

almost 5 months!

First week of classes: great. I have Grade 9s, mostly, and they are annoying, funny, and smart. I deal well with all of those things. lol Seriously, I liked them very much, which is such a relief. But I am so, so busy. I'm technically part-time, as you may recall, but I put in at least 50 hours from Mon-Fri. Staying off my feet is going to be a challenge.

Thesis: committee loved it. Must start editing today.

House: not unpacked and yard is a disaster.

Family: thumbs down. They were/are (and I quote) "too busy" to help us with anything. I am not going to drop this, so a heated discussion is still in the works.

ANYWAY ... Baby: :)

It's hard to believe that I'm almost - fingers crossed supertight - at the viability date (meaning that if Ninja were born, he'd have a shot of making it).

My belly is officially poking out past my boobs, as DH pointed out. lol I haven't really gained much weight, though - maybe 7 or 8 pounds? The rest of my body is the same size as it was before: just my stomach is big. People are fascinated with pregnant women's bellies, though, which I never noticed before. I get stared at all the time. Funny.

DH felt the baby move, finally, for the first time last weekend. He was nonchalant about it: said it just felt like two soft little bumps against his hand. Then, on Sunday night, he was busy pushing my stomach around - as though it were a vat of bread dough, only my belly is tight - when he suddenly stopped, eyes opened wide. I felt it, too: something round and hard on my right side. The baby's head! DH got excited and started enthusiastically poking around again, when his eyes grew even bigger: he said the baby scratched him on his hand! I didn't feel that, but I thought it was wonderful. I'm glad he was the first one to feel those kinds of things. :) It's all becoming a bit more real to us.

Was supposed to have an ultrasound 2 weeks ago, but I still haven't received an appointment. We put in a request to go to a bigger city for the u/s, since our local hospital has dumb and archaic rules about doing them (e.g., they won't tell gender, dads aren't allowed in for the bulk of the procedure, you have to pay for 2 grainy pictures, you have to get undressed even though it's not transvaginal, etc.). I was not ok with DH not being in there with me for the first 3/4 of it, and my midwife agreed, so she is trying to send us to a bigger and more liberal hospital elsewhere (the reason she's giving is the IVF: she told the regional health authority that she needs a more detailed ultrasound to ensure that things are going well). Good woman! She does a lot to alleviate my stress level.

Speaking of stress, we tried to go baby shopping for the first time. That was an unequivocal failure. We spent all of 5 minutes in the store, and DH whined about how he didn't want to do any of it (well I don't really want to, either, but we are going to need such things as blankets and diapers!). So we gave up. Later, he said, "Oh man, I guess we are going to have to do this, though, eh? It's only four months away." I rolled my eyes and said, "Uh huh." lol

So that's the scoop! Now I'm off to check out some of the blogs I'm trying to keep up with! Can't do this stuff from work, as you never know if administration is keeping an eye on visited web sites. But thanks to Wise Guy for pointing out that I'm able to post on my blog from my e-mail address - I'll give that a try!

20 weeks, 4 days

I'm still alive, I promise!

Just very little internet access, still. Though I am online in my classroom, I don't want to go on my blog there, just in case Big Brother is checking which web sites I visit. DH and I are talking about not getting internet at home, just to save time and $. We'll see.

Physically, I'm still great. DH keeps giggling at my belly. He thinks it's funny, but he loves it (he even thinks I look hot, which I love!).

He still hasn't felt movement, though, although I've felt kicks externally for a few weeks. Every time I put his hand on my belly, the baby freezes!

Thursday was the first (and only, so far) day that I FELT pregnant. I was really short of breath all day, had to walk very slowly, stop and sit every so often, and had abdominal cramps. So I drank lots of water and took it slow. It was an interesting feeling.

Stressed, though. Had a good cry in my midwife's office about my unaccommodating family, which helped, though I'm still angry at them. I haven't seen them in 2 weeks - my mom still hasn't seen my new house, incidentally, though she lives 20 minutes away - and I know I'll have to deal with it soon. Yuck.

Plus work is crazy. My schedule kept changing, so I didn't know what I was teaching. I've been working for the last few weeks, getting ready for the start of the school year, but I'm still not nearly at the point I should be. I'm a little worried about overdoing it next week. On my first day with the kids I have no prep (I have hall duty), plus lunch duty. Good thing I'm active, anyway, so I'm in decent shape, but still.

Anyway, eye on the prize. I hit 20 weeks last Tuesday, so I'm over halfway there! I found out that as long as I work a minimum of 600 hours, I will, in fact, qualify for the full 50 weeks of employment insurance that the government offers. So - fingers crossed - if I work until Christmas holidays, and then somehow get in another 12 hours after that, I'll qualify. Hurray, hurray, hurray.

My midwife gave me a few books by Ina May Gaskin, a renowned midwife. One was called Spiritual Midwifery, and I can't remember the other title. They were fascinating. Very hippie-ish (e.g., I smooched my man through the rushes and it was so groovy! I felt like a monkey!), interesting and enlightening. A different way of looking at labour and delivery, for sure, and I'm into that.

the infertile soul

So far - knock on wood - I've 'overcome' (ahem ahem) infertility.

But I still feel like an infertile.

Even though, after extensive medical investigation, it turns out that I'm not physically infertile. It was my husband's medical issue.

Even though I'm almost 20 weeks pregnant with a delightful little spud.

Even though I should be trying to block out the seven years of wandering in a desert.

Recently, at a family wedding, one of my younger cousins - along with her pram - came by to say hi. Loaded in the carriage was her new baby, who was due four days before my first baby would have been born. Her third child. I couldn't talk to her. She gave a birth announcement to my parents, who laid it on a shelf in the living room. I placed another picture (of people I didn't know) on top of it.

As well, I found out that one of my nieces - who has zero fertility problems - is expecting another baby, and that she's due shortly after I am. I was ragingly jealous. Isn't that ridiculous? But I was colossally upset, anxious, and envious. (She had no issue getting knocked up. And if anything happens to my little Ninja, I will have an awful reminder.)

After physical infertility seems to have been overcome, I wonder if the infertile 'feeling' ever goes away? Certainly it has become modified a bit. Now I'm more than fine with talking to fellow ('former') infertiles about pregnancy and babies. As well, I can now handle seeing regular pregnant women and talking with young moms. To a certain extent. I'm still uncomfortable, and feel as though I'm an imposter, and think that I'm jinxing my situation, but I can get through it.

But my feelings at seeing that baby carriage and reading my niece's news (on FB, of course) was like nothing I've ever experienced before.

passing IF on to a son: something i wonder about

Source: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26680088/ns/health-pregnancy/

Pass it on: Sons of infertile men may be next

Scientists worry that boys born after treatment inherit dads' problems

JoNel Aleccia
Health writer

More than a dozen years after fertility specialists learned to turn all-but-sterile men into fathers, scientists are awaiting answers to a looming question: What about the sons?

The first few babies born using a process that transformed male infertility by allowing doctors to use sperm from men with impossibly low counts and other problems are now turning 15. An even larger crop of so-called “ICSI babies,” children conceived with the help of intracytoplasmic sperm injection and in vitro fertilization, or IVF, are just approaching adolescence.

For the daughters born to these dads, there appears to be little problem. Research suggests that, in general, techniques such as IVF and ICSI are safe and effective, although some scientists say there's not enough data to be sure. One of the central concerns centers on the possibility of chromosomal abnormalities leading to male infertility.

As puberty kicks in, scientists believe they may start to see sons who’ve inherited the problems of their fathers, an issue that many couples may not have considered in their quest to have children.

“This is the generation we’ve created,” said Dr. Tommaso Falcone, who chairs the obstetrics and gynecology department at the Cleveland Clinic and directs the Reproductive Endocrinology Research Laboratory. “We may have tens of thousands of boys born with infertility.”

Genetic fallout for ICSI sons is still a largely unexplored issue in the field of infertility, which affects an estimated one in eight couples in the United States, or about 7.3 million people, according to RESOLVE, a national infertility group. Up to 40 percent of cases are attributed to problems with the man, including damaged sperm, low sperm or no sperm at all.

Of the more than 52,000 babies born using IVF in the U.S. each year, between 8,000 and 9,000 are the offspring of male factor fathers, according to Falcone.

“We tell parents there could be a genetic cost to this,” he said.

Basic facts about infertility are fueling scientists' concerns. In women, infertility is most often caused by a physical problem such as blocked fallopian tubes or scar tissue caused by endometriosis, issues that aren't likely to be inherited by their daughters . When IVF was pioneered three decades ago, it solved many of those problems by providing a way to get the sperm and egg together outside the woman.

In men, however, it's not so clear cut. Doctors don't know what causes infertility in about half the cases, but think that many men's infertility problems may be rooted in their genes.

Last year, Danish researchers reported that levels of the male sex hormone testosterone were lower in baby boys produced through ICSI than in those conceived naturally. Until more boys mature, however, they can't be certain if that will hold true in older kids or what form other problems might take.

The whole issue raises the science-fiction prospect of a society in which many men can’t father children naturally. According to one estimate in the journal Nature Genetics, if even half of affected men used ICSI to have kids, the incidence of severe male factor infertility could double nationwide within seven generations. But it also raises more practical questions for the families of the boys who might be affected: How do they feel about transmitting the struggles of infertility to their sons? And what do they tell the kids about the birds and the bees?

“The puberty talk is usually: ‘You can get someone pregnant,’” Falcone said. “But with these boys, you can't.”

No different than getting glasses, dad saysAt least one father of a boy born after using ICSI said he’s not worried, even if he did pass on a genetic trigger for infertility, because there are increasingly successful treatments to deal with it. “The basic feeling I have is that it’s like eyeglasses now,” said the father, a 41-year-old professor at a well-known eastern university, who has two ICSI children, a son, 6, and a daughter, 4. “Generations ago, if you had bad eyesight, it was a problem. Now, it’s just not anymore.”

The father agreed to discuss his son’s future fertility only anonymously because it’s such a sensitive issue. “I don’t want his girlfriend googling him when he’s 13 and finding out his father’s infertile,” he said.

The professor and his wife turned to ICSI nearly a decade ago after trying unsuccessfully to become pregnant for more than a year. Tests showed that he had a sperm count far below the 20 million per milliliter necessary for normal conception.

“It was in the 100s or the single digits. I don’t think they count that low,” he said. “But all it takes is one.”

Indeed, his wife got pregnant on the first cycle with their son, using ICSI, the procedure that snags a single live sperm and injects it directly into the center of a human egg. The technique even produced embryos to spare. They froze four and, three years later, conceived their daughter from the same batch.

“The whole process of treating infertility is no big deal in the grand scheme of things,” he said.
In the early-to-mid 1990s, scientists developed the ICSI technique. The first babies were born in 1993; many more have followed.

In general, between 70 percent and 85 percent of eggs are fertilized in an ICSI procedure, resulting in a pregnancy and birth rate of about 43 percent. The New England couple was fortunate in their experience, but the dad said by the time his son requires treatment, if he does, the success rate likely will be much higher.

Even now, ICSI is now used in 62 percent of all IVF cases and in 86 percent of male factor infertility cases, according to 2006 statistics, the latest available, from the Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology.

Specialists worry, however, that some sons and even grandsons may inherit genetic problems, such as the microdeletion of a gene on the Y chromosome; troubles with androgen receptors that help regulate certain sex characteristics; or congenital problems, such as the absence of the vas deferens, the tube that connects the testes with the urethra.

Little research exists about the potential problems, primarily because the children haven’t been mature enough to test. Once enough boys begin producing sperm and agree to be studied, scientists say they'll learn more.

In the meantime, they worry about problems that remain undetected, said Dr. Pasquale Patrizio, director of the Yale Fertility Center.

“We are helping men to have a baby, but we don’t know why they don’t make sperm,” he said.

Stats on women in the workplace, the rate of assisted reproduction, numbers of twins and triplets, and much more.Parents considering treatment might benefit from a session with a genetic counselor to talk about their child’s future fertility, among other issues, noted Steven Keiles, president-elect of the National Society of Genetic Counselors. Early analysis can flag potential problems that parents might not have considered.

"I'm not so sure people think that far ahead," Keiles said.

Other specialists caution, however, that parents who use ICSI and IVF shouldn’t worry that the procedures will result in a child with an abnormality.

“We wind up having these discussions and people suddenly panic and wonder what they’ve done,” said Dr. Howard Zacur, director of the Division of Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine.

Nor should parents imagine that specialists are seeking to create their next generation of customers.

"I can't even remotely think that way," said Zacur. "You're really trying to help a couple. You're really giving them a chance to have a child."

Still, it is important that parents understand the real risk that genetic problems — including infertility — may be inherited and consider every option, warns Art Caplan, director of the Center for Bioethics at the University of Pennsylvania and an msnbc.com columnist.

"It is true that future fertility techniques may well be able to help a sterile or near-sterile child reproduce but that may be an outcome that parents do not want to risk and they may instead turn to a known-to-be-fertile sperm donor," he said. "I think every program using ICSI should disclose this possible set of risks and offer alternatives including anonymous or identified sperm donation."

Specialists and parents say there are no rules about when — and if — to tell a child about potential fertility problems. Like all information about the circumstances of conception and birth, it depends on the age and maturity of the kid.

Although it would be possible to test the boys' sperm count when they reach adolescence, few doctors now recommend that. Zacur said he doesn't even advise routine screening for certain root causes of infertility in his male patients because the tests can be expensive and inconclusive — and they don't alter the final treatment.

The professor father of the ICSI boy said he likely won’t tell his son about potential problems until he’s grown and facing questions of fatherhood. And it certainly won’t be part of early adolescent discussions of sex.

“I just don’t see any reason to burden him with this concern,” the dad said. “If you know about it, you alter your behavior.”

When he does divulge the news, he’ll likely remind his son — and his daughter — that any problems likely can be corrected through the technology and medicine that created their family.

“I do sometimes imagine have how sad it would have been to have been born in an earlier era,” he said. “There are an awful lot of people who wouldn’t have been around without this.”

© 2009 msnbc.com Reprints

Minus the cool factor

I think I must be a funny sight today.

Cruising in my sports car, windows rolled down, Metallica blaring, hair waving in the breeze ...

... car pulls up to the library, of all places, and a pregnant woman - briefcase in hand - stumbles awkwardly onto the curb.

trying to keep some perspective because i am ready to blow

I will try the proverbial 'counting of blessings.'

I am grateful for:

1) the kind neighbour who showed up today with homemade food: buns and an ice cream pail full of carrot-and-sausage soup, all of which was delicious;

2) the sunny day amid all the cold weather we've had this summer;

3) my DH, who - with a gleeful look on his face - rubs my belly at every opportunity;

4) no unmanageable pregnancy symptoms (I still feel ridiculously normal - I don't feel pregnant at all when I wake up in the morning);

5) all of the in-laws who came to help us with our mountain of housework;

6) the indigo flowers in my front yard;

7) the fresh peaches on my kitchen counter and the chili simmering in my crockpot;

8) my four-year-old nephew, who yesterday called me "sweet hot Auntie OHW!" (LMAO!);

9) the fact that I have a job, particularly when teaching positions are so difficult to find; and

10) my dear friend R, who is giving me a cell phone in case I get stranded during a storm while commuting to work.

not baby-related; just venting

I'm feeling as sour as expired milk.

We moved into our new place, and my family DIDN'T HELP. Not one iota. Even though most of them work in the town in which we're living! And even though I'm quite pregnant and couldn't paint or lift heavy boxes! I asked for assistance and was even turned down by my SIL, and my parents only sent a weak offer to help AFTER we had already cleaned, painted, and moved our stuff in. (I even asked my dad if he'd help me with just the baby's room, since he's quite artistic and I thought he'd enjoy painting and decorating with me, but he said he didn't have time in his schedule.) I'm so hurt and disappointed.

Yet, my brother and SIL will want our help with their house, plus my parents will want our help this fall with shingling their house and butchering a hog or steer. Well, normally I'd be the first person there to lend a hand - I usually do all the cooking for the crew - but now I'm too busy. And that makes me even more upset, since I hate being that way! If someone wants me to help, I want to be there! But I'm putting my foot down. I'm going to be too busy now, too.

Almost all of DH's family, on the other hand, showed up throughout the week to clean the place, paint the main floor, move our belongings, and unpack. Every day. Nobody asked them to come; they just did. Even his brother and SIL who are in the middle of HARVEST, for goodness sake (when it's harvest, it's harvest - most people on farms don't do anything else at that time). It was embarrassing to try answering their wonderings about where my side of the family was. (Um, I don't know...) Anyway, thank goodness they were so charitable to us, and I hope I can return the favour one day.

Then today I found out that my schedule for work has changed and NOBODY TOLD ME. I just happened to find out when I e-mailed my new principal to clarify a detail about my courses and he mentioned it in passing. Oh, and I'm teaching 4 classes (full-time), not 3, as I had been told! (But only getting paid for .875.) What???????? School starts next week!

And ... still no final decision from EI on DH's status. They keep flipflopping, and everyone says something different. I have forbidden DH from talking to any EI people on the phone or in person. All correspondence must be done via e-mail, so as to keep a written record of who is saying what. In the meantime, I'm going to have to pull our first mortgage payment out of my a$$.

If you made it to the end of this post, thanks. I have to blow off steam, but have no one around at the moment who has time to listen to me. I'm worried about the effect my stress is having on the baby. :(

thesis

Just finished my thesis draft and sent it off to my committee. Hallelujah. Now I have to wait 2 to 3 weeks to get their feedback so that I can do revisions and then book a date for my defence.

However, I've missed the deadline to graduate in October, so I'll have to pay continuing fees for two additional semesters. How fab. If it weren't for the IVFs, I would've graduated already. But if it weren't for the second IVF, I would not be knocked up right now. So I'll deal with it, since obviously I prefer the latter choice.

I don't know, though, if the finance department will be ok with my late submission: since I had external funding, I was supposed to have graduated by now. I'm scared that I'll have to pay back a bunch of the funding dollars, and that would be a big chunk of change. I'm hoping that I can appeal by giving the reasons for the delay, which are, of course IVF, miscarriage, FET + BFN, and IVF #2. All within 9 months. That's a good enough reason for a slowed-down timeline, isn't it? I sure hope they will be understanding.

stressed, but have my eyes on the prize

Fast update. I'm so far behind.

--Working on the house. Cleaning and repainting the interior.

--Haven't really started prepping yet for teaching. Don't have time. This is bad. But I still have 3 weeks until the first day of classes.

--Haven't had time to finish thesis, for a variety of reasons. Thumbs waaaay down.

--Employment Insurance (which is a government program into which most Canadians pay) is denying DH's claim, even though he was honest and did everything to the letter. Basically, since he's setting up a business, the local EI folks told him he wasn't allowed to look for work until he finishes writing his business plan, but today the federal EI person who called said that he WAS supposed to be looking for work all along, so they denied his claim. So we have no income until I get paid at the end of Sept, and we haven't had a paycheque since June. (He was entitled to 39 weeks' worth of paycheques, which we now have to kiss goodbye.) I just cried about that all morning - I'm so pissed about it - and DH is very overtired and grumpy, which doesn't help. Plus my SIL was there, and her cheery response was: "Don't worry, the Lord will provide!" That made me even more upset, since DH did everything legally - even though he could be working under the table and not paying taxes - but now he doesn't get insurance money that is rightfully his because of a miscommunication at the EI office. So it was easy for her to say that.

But baby is good, and that's the most important thing. (And physically I feel great.) I don't feel him a lot yet, but it's so cool when I do. For a moment he was really busy last Sunday; it was like popcorn bubbling in my womb. Made me laugh and then cry with joy.

Am starting to get his room ready. He won't be in it for a long time, since I'm planning to co-sleep for a year or more, but I figured we should prep and paint since we're doing all that to the rest of the house, anyway. So DH, as we speak, is painting the walls a medium-dark tan and the trim/doors a bright white. I want to decorate the room with orange, turquoise, and green. Good for a boy or a girl. The colour combo will be very modern and 'hip baby.' I don't really want it to look too 'babyish,' if you know what I mean, because I'm not into murals and other things that will have to be changed in a few years. I do want it to look beautiful.

What I'm setting up, basically, is a Montessori nursery (information about Montessori can be found in The Joyful Child). Maria Montessori was an amazing educator, doctor, and philosopher who had many influential ideas about childhood development, many of which I'm borrowing for the nursery. Everything must be tactile, safe, beautiful, and accessible. Cribs aren't used, so as not to hinder the infant's exploration of her immediate environment. I found out that my SIL used a Montessori nursery for her four children, and she loved it. Also, I discovered that another SIL is planning to use this method when she has kids (and she was surprised to hear that anyone had an actual label for it, since she says that in her culture that's what everyone does: co-sleep for a few years, then use a mattress on the floor).

At any rate, I'll try Montessori for the room's design, but if it doesn't work for our kid, I'm willing to go buy a crib or a Pack 'n' Play. I'm flexible. And just so you know, I do have a lot of experience with infants, so I'm not completely delusional. lol I've cared for newborns (i.e., baby-sitting) since I was 10 years old, and often overnight. Yes, since I was 10 years old! Isn't that crazy? I was a very responsible kid, though. Am not sure that I'd allow any 10-year-old to care for my baby, though!

award

Ok, now that I'm sort of caught up on blogging, here's my final hurrah for the day!

The lovely and talented and discerning Wiseguy has given me a 'One Lovely Blog' award. Thank you!

The rules of the award are: Accept the award; post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link. Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered.

I'm cheating, however. I can't pass the award because I don't have enough internet time these days. (Currently I have the worst internet connection in the western world. We've been living with my parents, who don't have internet, and the connection at the local library fades out almost every day.) Yes, I'm a bad person. Oh well. I'll catch up in the fall.

17 weeks

I'm wondering a bit what to do about buying baby gear. I'd rather not buy anything until after the baby comes, but obviously that's not practical.

Problem #1: With a full-time teaching position about to start, I know I'm not going to have much time in the late fall to pick up the stuff I need.

Problem #2: I won't get a paycheque until mid-September. DH still has not received an unemployment cheque, and probably won't for another month, thanks to the federal dimwits at Employment Insurance (they keep saying he's missing paperwork, though he brought it in 6 weeks ago). And he can't start his business, either, until he gets approval from said dimwits. So we're living on the credit card.

Problem #3: Baby-gear-buying should take place 4-6 weeks before baby arrives, but that will be Christmas time. Holy broke-ness, Batman!

Problem #4: My baby shower will occur 2-3 weeks after baby arrives (as long as all goes well). This makes no sense to me, but that's the custom around here, so apparently that's what's going to happen.

I'm not planning on spending a bundle on the baby - e.g., I'm happy to use second-hand items, I'm not making a formal nursery, and I probably won't even buy a crib - but apparently we'll still need to shell out more than just a few bucks. lol

I have decided to make a list of bare essentials - which is still a long list - and to purchase a few items every week until we've got what we absolutely must have; e.g., medical supplies, car seat, snowsuit, etc. Also, my MIL is making the diapers (and hitting up second-hand stores for snow gear) and SILs are also thrifting and making a few items (e.g., one is sewing all the receiving blankets, which will be hilarious because I picked out a baby pirate pattern with skulls and crossbones).

Today, I bought the following items: Vitamin D drops (essential for winter newborns in the Great White North, as people are telling me), organic diaper rash cream, Ivory soap, and a fast-acting thermometer (since I doubt that my 3-minute TTC thermometer will do the trick). Good things to start with, no? Not a huge investment, but they're all necessities, and in the event of misfortune, they can be returned or given away.

So I got home and mentioned to DH the following: "I started up picking up baby stuff. I also filled up the car." He gave me a panicked look, which I found odd, since even though we're broke, he's never been a penny-pincher. I added, "Well, I wouldn't have had enough gas to get home if I hadn't!"

But this is what he heard: "I started picking up baby stuff and it filled up the car." He imagined my little car bursting with strollers, cribs, high chairs, and what have you. Hahahaha! It took a while for his heart to stop racing!

16w6d

Went to the bank today to sign mortgage papers, and got a real kick! If I hadn't noticed the tapping before, I couldn't have missed this one! DH was very proud and said that the baby is headbutting me because he doesn't like me. lol

August 7, 2009 (16w3d)

I'm rockin' a beer gut, yet sadly have few clothes to wear. lol

So one of my sisters-in-law - the one who's endured 4 miscarriages and 2 stillborn babies - took me along with her and her 2 kids to the U.S. for a day. So that I could shop to my heart's content. Isn't that wildly gracious of her? And now my credit card hates me. lol It wasn't really that bad, though. For $165 USD (plus $40 CDN in duty and taxes) I got everything else I needed for my work wardrobe. I can mix 'n' match everything, and most of it is fairly cute stuff - much better than anything I have seen in the Great White North - and besides that, I estimated that I saved about $250-$300.

The best part of the shopping expedition? Laughing at my 4-year-old nephew who trailed his mom in the stores, exclaiming, "Where's my momma? My sweeeeeet hot momma!" He's a troublemaker, just like my DH's side of the family!

And then it got even better. On the way home, I felt the baby move for the first time. :) :) :) Just 3 or 4 very soft taps inside my uterus, but it was the best feeling in the world.

august 4, 2009 (16 weeks)

Had a midwife appointment today. All was well. The midwife spent most of the hour asking questions about my family support, my relationship with DH, my attitude toward being a mother, and so on. Very interesting that she's as concerned about my emotional and mental well-being as my physical health.

She gave me a copy of a birth plan to fill out. After I got to my car, I sat for awhile and looked at the plan. I dug out a pen and began to make check marks and notes. Then, as I began to really process what was being asked of me (e.g., Do you want access to a mirror? Do you want to touch the baby's head as it's crowning?), and imagining it, I burst into tears and cried all over my car. lol I can't believe this is real, and that it might really happen.

16 weeks today

Waiting for quickening. I hope it happens soon.

Stressed about our financial situation. All at once, we've had to pay for: moving expenses, down payment for a house, lawyers' fees for said house (around $3000), truck repairs ($2000), my upcoming continuation fee at the university, and start-up costs for DH's business. And I need to buy a car soon, otherwise I won't be able to drive to work (since there is no transit system around here!). Oh, and DH hasn't received any unemployment cheques yet, plus I don't get paid until mid-September. Hurray. lol No pity, though! We will be ok - it's just gloomy to be so far in the hole.

I kind of wanted to start picking up a few baby things - since I will be too busy teaching in the fall to go shopping - but that will need to wait. In the meantime, my MIL is making fitted cloth diapers for Ninja, plus she's going to look for an infant snowsuit (and make a toque, scarf, and mittens), and my parents will likely buy us the crib for a Christmas present. I've also got a lead on a cheap travel system. So that helps a lot.

My mom - after a great travail of a dialogue (the details of which weary me to death, so I won't go into them) - is going to throw a shower for me, which is lovely. I don't want the 'stuff'' nearly as much as I want the celebration of a new life. I don't have many girlfriends in my immediate vicinity, which is most unfortunate, but my sisters-in-law will come, as well as my nieces, my zillion aunts, my MIL, a few of my cousins, 2 close friends, and my other 3 or 4 adopted 'moms.' (I hope DH's aunts come, too, because they are a riot.) So that will be wonderful, I think, even though the idea of sitting at a baby shower in my honour will scare me to death. I've never actually attended a baby shower, believe it or not, since I've spent most of my adult life trying unsuccessfully (and miserably) to conceive.

All righty, I should get to work. Got a midwife appointment at 4 - including a physical - so I'll keep ya posted!

long time no see!

I'm definitely not exaggerating when I say that I have very little internet access these days! lol

Anyway, things are pretty much the same, except that we just bought a house. Waiting to see if the financing will go through. And so we are very, very broke right now. Eek. But it's cool to walk into the second bedroom on the main floor and think: If all goes well, my baby will sleep here one day.

Baby is good - I'll be 16 weeks on Tuesday, hurray! (I have my second midwife appointment this week, during which she'll do a physical - my gp says I'm measuring 2 weeks ahead, so I'll be interested to hear what she has to say about that.) I still feel fine. Just tired and thirsty. I guess I'll start to feel Ninja move soon, and I can't wait for that.

update

Update:

-Still feel every afternoon as though I got hit by a truck. lol This is the first time ever that I don't have a problem falling asleep at night.

-Hungry every 2-3 hours.

-Obsessively thirsty - yesterday I must have had close to 16 cups of water, on top of juice and milk. Will have to ask the midwife about this.

-Baby's heartbeat is good, and my new gp said today that I'm measuring closer to 16 weeks.

-Nips are on the tender side.

-I don't think I've gained any weight yet, and I thought I had by now. So I'll ask my midwife about this.

-A bit backed up in the bowel department. (Ewww, I know.)

-My regular taste in food returned a few weeks ago: most aversions are gone. Although I'm not interested in junk food.

So overall, everything is normal. I feel good, though I'm sad. A friend of mine lost her baby yesterday - at 6 months' gestation - and my heart hurts for her. Nothing's ever sure with any of this.

Going camping this weekend - yuck. Though it'll be fun to play with my nieces and nephews. And it seems that I've made up with a friend over a misunderstanding we had a long time ago (her in-laws were badmouthing her and they blamed it on me when they got caught, and I took the fall, though I shouldn't have since I'd never badmouth a friend) and she'll also be at that campground this weekend, so maybe we'll get to hang out. That's a good thing.

a poignant story about telling the nephew, parts 1 - 3

Part 1

A conversation between me, my 4-year-old nephew, and my 10-year-old niece (as we're jumping on their trampoline). Apparently the little guy still didn't know that there's a baby on the way.

Nephew: Auntie! Do this trick! (He falls on his back and jumps straight up.)

OHW: Uh, not today.

Nephew: Why not?

Niece: She shouldn't because there's a baby in her belly. It would hurt her.

Nephew: (Stops jumping, faces me, and puts his hands on his hips.) What?

Niece: There's a baby in her belly. It's our new cousin.

Nephew: What? Do you have a baby in your belly? (He asks accusingly.)

OHW: Yes.

Nephew: How did him get in there?

OHW: Uh, it just did.

Nephew: What?

OHW: Yep.

Nephew: Did you eat him?

OHW: Oh, no.

Nephew: Did you hurt her with your teeth?

OHW: No, no, the baby is fine. Do you want to play with a new cousin?

Nephew: No. Where is him?

OHW: (Points to her lower abdomen. Nephew touches it.)

Nephew: I touched him?

OHW: Yeah, that's roughly where he is.

Nephew: (Suspicious.) Why can't I see him?

OHW: He's under my skin.

Nephew: Well, how did him get in there?

OHW: Ask your uncle when he and your dad come back from looking at the fields.

___________________________

Part 2

DH and his brother (nephew's dad) return from looking at the fields.

Nephew: Uncle, uncle! There's a baby in Auntie's belly!

DH: What? (Indignant. Yes, uncle and nephew are two of a kind.)

Nephew: Yes! My sister told me!

DH: No way!

Nephew: Uh huh! How did him get in there?

Everyone laughs.

___________________________

Part 3

Sitting on the trampoline with my nephew, my niece, and their mom (my SIL, who's had recurrent miscarriages and stillbirths).

Nephew: Mom! There's a baby in Auntie's tummy!

SIL: Yeah, I know! Are you happy to have a new cousin?

Nephew: No.

SIL: Why not?

Nephew: How did him get in there?

SIL: Honey, I will tell you when you're a little bit older. But it's nothing to worry about. Auntie is fine. She'll go to the hospital after Christmas, and then the baby will come out.

Nephew: How?

SIL: The doctor will help her.

Nephew: (Looks at me worriedly. His eyes well up with tears.)

OHW: Sweetie, it's ok, it's a good thing!

SIL: It's good news, honey. I was very happy to go to the hospital to get you and your sister!

OHW: Yes, we were all excited when your mom went to the hospital to have you two! It's ok, you don't have to worry.

Nephew: (Quiet.) Mommy, do you have a baby, too?

SIL: No, that's over for me. You don't remember the last baby, do you? That was 2 years ago.

Nephew: (Shakes his head.)

___________________________

Later it came out that he doesn't want the baby partly because he's afraid that DH and I won't go to his house anymore to play with him. Awwwww. He's a bright one, that kid.

I'll have to chat with my SIL this weekend, to make sure she's ok (or as ok as she can be). I didn't anticipate the subject of her babies. She and I talk about them from time to time, but I hope this particular context wasn't too painful for her. Ahhhh, it's not fair. I wish she had all her babies with her.

Apparently my Facial Sheen is Actually a ‘Glow’

DH remarked suddenly the other day that my face is glowing. I scoffed at this bit of news. My skin has just gotten oily, that’s all (hence my daily breakout – I feel like a teenager again). Plus I was very grumpy and tired. He shook his head no, and said I have a glow.

Wardrobe Woes

I definitely have a belly; no denying it. So I went to a Thyme Maternity store– which is a two-hour drive away – a few days ago, since I’m going to need a few more clothes in a couple of weeks, and almost started crying: everything was overpriced and hideous. (And remember, I’m addicted to beautiful clothes and jewelry.) Wal-Mart mat clothes were pure $hit; I can’t even bear to tell you what I saw. Old Navy’s clothes were very plain and shapeless, and they looked as though they’d fall apart after a few washings. Everything looked like stuff that 75-year-old women would wear.

I really wish I’d bought more clothes at that American Motherhood Maternity outlet. Most of their selection was ugly, too, but with careful hunting, I found some cute and reasonably priced items. I should’ve bought out the store, especially the bargain rack $9 USD dress pants. Slacks at Thyme were $60 CDN!!! And I’ll need at least two pairs for work. Urgh. So I guess we will end up making a run to the US in August for clothes. I don’t think I’ll need that much – I’ve already planned out what I will buy so that I can mix and match, thereby creating a number of outfits from just a few items – but I won’t be able to get it locally.

Though today I went to a local consignment shop, and found a pair of Bluenotes jeans, MM slacks, a denim jacket, and a red dressy t-shirt, all for $30. Now that’s what I want to see more of.

I should open a maternity store in my area, seriously. Pretty much everyone my age is pregnant with their third or fourth kid, but good clothes are hard to come by. Or maybe I should learn more about sewing, and just make my own.

Oy, I'm Far Behind

Here are the deets about how we spilled the beans to our family and friends.

First, the news almost got out long before we planned. The day we moved back, we went to see one of DH’s old friends, who works with DH’s nephew. Out of the blue, he said, “So your nephew says you’re going to be a dad!” I was in shock, wondering how our nephew could possibly know that!!! We didn’t answer, and eventually the friend started laughing – he was bluffing. Oh my word, that gave me at least three heart attacks.

After my midwife appointment on July 7, we decided to tell family. It was more than two weeks sooner than we’d originally planned, but the midwife said that 12 weeks – not 13 – constituted the start of the second trimester. And we did hear the heartbeat, so we thought we might as well do it. I was a bit panicked about telling people, for many reasons, and I just wanted to get it over with.

So we told my immediate family that evening. We were at my brother and sister-in-law’s place, and during supper, I blurted out, “We have some news. Apparently we’re having a baby.” Mass drama ensued. My mom and sister-in-law burst into tears, and there were hugs all around. (My sister-in-law kept saying it was an answer to all her prayers, which actually pissed me off because theoretically she and my brother aren’t supposed to know anything about our situation. And then my mom repeated that it was an answer to her prayers, too, even though I’ve asked her 4 or 5 times to never refer to our infertility circumstances. Anyway, whatever. I guess people can’t keep their mouths shut, and I wish we’d never told anyone about what was going on with us. I couldn’t control the IF, and now I can’t control the spread of personal information about it, either. It tainted the moment. It shouldn’t matter, but it does. I’m a vault when someone tells me something in confidence, but I guess I can’t expect the same from most other people.)

Then we drove to my mother-in-law to tell her. It was early evening, and DH kept trying to get her to turn the living room light on, but she wouldn’t do it. He said, “I want to see your face.” She said, “Why?” He was quiet for a while, then said, “You’re going to be a Grandma again.” She didn’t believe him. lol Eventually she looked at me and asked if it was true, and I said yes. She was very cautiously happy. One of DH’s sisters-in-law has had many miscarriages and several stillbirths, and so she said she didn’t want to get her hopes up, and of course we understand that. I also showed her the ultrasound picture, which I thought she’d just laugh at, but she seemed pretty interested.

We didn’t get to tell DH’s siblings and nieces and nephews the way we’d planned, unfortunately. We wanted to tell DH’s young niece and then let her spread the news. However, she was the one with H1N1 and pneumonia, so no one was going around to see her until she felt better. (And she is better now, thank goodness.) So we went the next day to DH’s sister’s house, and he told her, and then he phoned our niece to tell her, and to ask her to let her mom and dad know. She was pretty listless – she was so ill – but she giggled when she told me that she wasn’t going to tell her brother about it. lol

So gradually everyone else found out. Our friends were pretty shocked. My closest friend – whom I had to e-mail because we haven’t gotten a chance to get together yet and I didn’t want her to find out through the grapevine – wrote an incoherent response, punctuated with exclamation marks. lol She wanted to know, as did other people, if it was planned, and my response was: It was the one night DH didn’t sleep on the couch, but I don’t remember a thing. haha That’s nobody’s business!

DH and I went over to his bff’s place to share the news with him, and the way we did it was so funny. DH dragged the baby carriage inside and said, “I need this hot rodded by January.” It took bff and his wife a while to catch on, and when they did, they were very happy for us. He and DH discussed who to hire to paint the flames, and they settled on an older guy who is losing his eyesight, and who is trying to cram as many work orders as he can into the time he has left, since he loves his work. So bff approached this guy, and he was thrilled to be asked to do it – he said it was a brilliant idea. Yay.

And then on Facebook, I made a ‘How well do you know me’ quiz, and the final question asked “When does OHW want to be DH’s babymomma?” lol That got some funny and shocked responses, mostly via pm, though I was surprised by some people who took it but didn’t respond to the news.

The only vital person I haven’t told is my one living grandparent: my grandpa. We’re mainly estranged. I doubt my dad will tell him the news; they don’t get along. But I did send him a card, though, just so he knows. He’s a very unhappy man: maybe it’ll make him feel better for a while.

Overall, the nicest response we got was from our eldest niece, who lives a province away and who’s not that much younger than I am. She said that the news made her heart leap with joy. DH had tears in his eyes when he read that, and he barked, “She owes me a hug now! A big one!” lol

Oy, it’s getting real now. I sure hope everything works out. Thank goodness for my doppler – I use it nearly every day to ensure that there’s still a heartbeat.

Updates, part II

On Tuesday I had my first midwife's appointment. It was great. It was an hour long, and she was very relaxed, which I appreciate because I am the kind of person who really dislikes being rushed. And in terms of care, I get to decide whatever I want; e.g., I'm not getting weighed because I don't want to worry about gaining weight. I'm eating a variety of healthy food and drinking lots of water and milk, so I think I'm fine. I like the amount of control I have with a midwife; I imagine it would be different with a GP or OB, but I don't know.

And I might decide to do a homebirth. I'll talk about that more at some other point, since that's a post in and of itself.

Best part was that the midwife used the doppler - after I swore up and down I wouldn't get upset if she didn't find the heartbeat - and it worked! But then DH was tickling my feet and making faces at me, so I started laughing, and the baby ran away, so the midwife couldn't find the beat again. DH said the baby has ADHD, which would not surprise me at all, given his genes. lol

I go back in a month, and at that point I'll get a physical exam.

_________________

And my own doppler arrived that day. I tried it out, and it worked almost immediately. And then DH was miffed that I didn't call him into the room so he could hear it, too, so I did it again. I think he's glad I bought it. This morning, though we were running late, he got me to use it for a few minutes while he laid down to listen.

_________________

And now the creme de la creme. I've been exposed to both swine flu and pneumonia. My poor little niece has both, and I was with her 3 days ago. She was sitting on my lap and we were sharing food. Plus I was hugging her and kissing her head, etc.

I heard about the diagnosis last night, and DH took me to the ER to get checked out. The doc says I'm at risk, definitely, but that I can't worry about it too much because they can't do anything about it; i.e., they won't give me medication unless I can't breathe.

Urgh, just another thing to worry about. But I feel fine so far. I sure hope my niece is ok, though. I talked to her this morning on the phone, and she sounded awful.

_________________

Ok, next post I'll write about how we told our families. We did it earlier than planned because the midwife said that the second trimester started at 12 weeks, and everything was fine - plus my bump is growing - so we decided to share right away.

Updates, part I

Ok, the trip back home went well. We didn't take the interstate because we were pulling a U-Haul, so it was almost relaxing. Lots of nice scenery - lakes and beaches and trees - but sad because I didn't realize how economically depressed Michigan was. Lots of abandoned buildings on the most pristine land you can imagine.


So we drove and drove. Stopped for lunch, first, at Aylmer in Ontario, which has a fine Mexican-Mennonite cafe, and listened to the local radio station there, which is always a riot. Then crossed the border at Sarnia and went on from there.


I guess my big news from the trip was that I went ... gulp ... maternity clothes shopping at a Motherhood Maternity discount outlet. I did not want to enter, but DH kinda pushed me in there. I almost burst into tears at first. Was very shy and uncomfortable. But the sales person was very kind, and helped me out without ever being pushy. I must have tried on 100 different items, but settled on a pair of jeans, a tie-dyed orange t-shirt, black vest, blouse, and rainjacket. All for $120. And it's true - maternity jeans are super-comfy. Plus I bought a U2 t-shirt somewhere - it's my consolation prize, since I'm missing their world tour again!


I also went to DSW shoe warehouse to buy 2 pairs of shoes, since I didn't have even one pair to wear to work. All I have are snowboots and flipflops. So I got aqua BCBG flats and cherry red Chinese Laundry wedges - all for $60. Nice!


DH loves the new clothes, oddly. He usually hates my wardrobe. While I was modelling the threads for him, he commented, "I can't believe your belly already. It's so cute!" :) He rubs it all the time.


Anyway, it's kinda different to be back home. Some things are different, and some things are the same. I am getting bitten to death by mosquitoes again - yuck! But it's ok.


I just got my teaching schedule, and I'm excited about it. I'm teaching English as an additional language, Later Literacy, and some mainstream English classes. So I will have mainly small classes, hurray! People will feel sorry for me, I'm sure, because I have mostly 'lower level' learners, but I don't care about that. I like working with kids who hate reading and/or have trouble with it, because I can usually change their minds. It's hard work, but I'm pretty persuasive.


And we're looking for a house to buy. We have a lead on an acreage in a decent location. It comes with 200 acres, which would be terrific to own, since the rent we'd collect on it would pay the mortgage. We were preapproved yesterday for a mortgage, too, which will help us find a place faster.


More in a bit!

12 weeks!

Thanks for all the well wishes re: the move! I haven't been online at all since my last post - my parental units still don't have the internet - but I'm back in my stompin' grounds, safe and sound. We left on Monday afternoon and arrived on Thursday afternoon. Have a few stories for you - including someone who nearly dragged the news out of us - but they'll have to wait until I get more time online.

For now, today I have my first appointment with my midwife. I am super-anxious about it because I feel so freakishly normal. I'm not exaggerating. (My one symptom today: tender nips. Das ist alles.) I do understand now why there are women who don't know they're pregnant until they are quite far along. If I'd ever gotten knocked up 'accidentally,' I probably would've been one of them. So I'm hoping, since my doppler hasn't arrived yet, that the midwife will check for the heartbeat today.

I'll keep you all posted, and will be back to my normal blog-commenting duties next time I'm online!

moving on monday

I won't be on much for a while. We're moving on Monday - it's a 22-hour drive, so we'll divvy that up into 3 days, at least - and I'll have sporadic internet connection until we find a place to live.

Good news: we're driving through the U.S., so I get to go shopping.

Bad news: I have no money, and besides, I don't know what kind of clothes to buy now. lol My clothes all still fit, but I have no idea how much longer that will last. I have enough tops to last through the 2nd tri, I think - since 'maternity' has most unfortunately been in mainstream style for the past few years - but I'll needs pants sooner rather than later.

Anyway, for a quick 411, overall I feel fine. Bbs don't hurt. Lower abdomen is crampy from time to time. Still get tired in the late morning. And still have a million food aversions. Have been eating very strangely, in my opinion. Yesterday and Wednesday, I ate Tim Horton's soups and biscuits .... four times! Their soups aren't even anything special. lol

And, in non-baby-related news, I must say how shocked I was about Michael Jackson's death. I was just a little kid when he was at the height of his fame, but I really like his music, especially from the Jackson Five, and his Thriller and Bad albums, of course. I always thought that if he ever got his act together and started touring again, I'd definitely go see him. Anyway, I guess it shouldn't have surprised anyone that it would end this way for him, but still. He seemed too iconic to ever die.

first baby gift

Seriously. One of DH's coworkers and his wife bought us 2 Royal Doulton onesies (on these adorable hangers), a little handprint kit, and an elephant chew-toy.

I was overwhelmed by the gesture. I was scared because what if something bad happens?: I don't want to be surrounded by baby things. But it was very thoughtful of them; I was touched. It made the idea of a baby seem so real.

And DH said that there is more coming, especially since Friday is his last day on the job. He was told that many of his colleagues have 'gone shopping.' They are thrilled that something finally worked in the IVF department, and they want to give us baby stuff. (He works with the nicest guys, btw - they are terrific.)

Wow. I have baby things lying on my bed.

q&a

Kristy asked if I have a bump yet. Well, I do, but I know it's not the baby yet. lol I'm not sure if it's bloat or a few added pounds (from crappy food and little exercise), but my stomach has a definite paunch that wasn't there before. My whole abdomen is still very firm, though - I guess my abdominal muscles haven't completely given up the ghost yet. And my clothes all still fit fine, which is great. All I've had to buy so far is a new bra.

A while back, The Misfit asked about when we'll tell our family and friends. We want to wait until the end of July, when my second tri starts. (I will disable my FB wall early next month, probably, so that no one finds out that way before I'm ready to spill.) This is who we're going to tell, in the following order:
1) We're going to tell my family on July 23rd or 24th. They get to know first because, if all goes well, Ninja will be the first living grandchild. My mom will probably want to phone all her siblings to share, and that's fine.
2) Then, DH's annual family camp runs from July 24th to the 26th, so that's when his side will find out. He's going to tell his 10-year-old niece, and then she can decide how she wants to let the cat out of the bag. lol
3) There are a few good friends (including their families) whom we'll tell in person ASAP.
4) Will e-mail my new principal immediately so that he doesn't find out from someone else. This will be awkward!
5) Everyone else will hear our news through the grapevine. I'm not making some big cheesy announcement on FB, although I'm toying with the idea of making a 'How Well do You Know OHW?' quiz, and inserting the following question at the end:
-When does OHW hope to become DH's babymomma?: a) 1 year from now, b) 2 years from now, c) 5 years from now, or d) she's already on her way.

Two people asked where I bought my fetal doppler. I got a used one - 3 mhz and FDA-approved - on Ebay for $70 plus shipping. It was a lot cheaper than renting, and I can always sell it later or give it away. I can't wait to get it in the mail, but it's getting shipped (with no identifying labels!) to my parents' address, so I'll have to wait to use it until after we move (which is next week).

One of my Turtle Mutant friends asked: Why 'Ninja'? Well, the lovely and wise Wiseguy, a longtime bloggy friend, christened him as such! lol

And someone asked if I've been eating anything crazy. Um, YES. How about the chocolate bar I ate for breakfast last Thursday? Or Saturday's popcorn-and-Pepsi supper? Or the poutine lunch I've had TWO DAYS in a row? (Poutine is a French-Canadian fast food dish, consisting of french fries topped with gravy and fresh white cheese curds. YUMMY.) A far cry from my usual diet!

10 weeks

10 weeks today!

That means I'm already 25% done.

Wow.

Nothing new to report, really. My five million food aversions have eased up somewhat, though I'm still eating like a maniac. I've got a few mild symptoms, but overall, I feel fairly normal.

So that's that.

award!

The lovely and talented Clare over at The Pitter-Patter has given me the Kreativ Blogger award. Thanks, Clare!


For the Kreativ Blogger award the rules of acceptance are simple: list seven things you love and then pass the award to seven blogs you love.

I love:

1) my Ninja and my man

2) the first warm day of spring in my c-c-c-cold neck of the woods

3) listening to a student tell me how much he hates reading, and then - after much hard work on my part - watching him plow through his first novel in five+ years

4) sitting around with my family, especially since my sister-in-law is such a hoot

5) getting a Facebook message from my dearly beloved niece

6) the anticipation of travelling somewhere new

7) writing something that I think is really good


But I'm a bad girl. I'm too tired to post to seven bloggers, but anyway, you all deserve it, so this award is free for the taking. :)

still 'p' word

Everything's fine. Here is the Ninja in all his naked glory. lol

Baby is measuring 9w3d, which is exactly on track. Heartbeat 146 bpm.

What a relief. (I am just verrrry lucky to have such mild symptoms.)

I wish I could have an ultrasound every week, just to see my husband's eyes when he's looking at our baby on the screen. And when it was over, I imagined my dad's reaction to all of this: he is going to be thrilled. I sure wish DH's dad were alive for this.

At our follow-up obstetrical appointment, DH startled the doctor by grabbing him for a bear hug. (My guy is a hugger.) And then he went to find the IVF nurse to hug her again, too. lol She laughed and congratulated us on having a January baby, since she/he will be the smartest in the class, and the best at sports, given that she/he will be one of the oldest. She says that research confirms it. :)

Ok, so I am allowed to chill out a bit for now, right? I am going to buy a doppler, as I said, so that will reassure me a bit. And if I can't relax, I'm allowed to take an Ativan. Yay.

Must.go.eat.

9w1d

I feel so normal. I hate it. No symptoms at all. Even my appetite seems to be normal today. I preferred the feeling of a perpetual hangover.

I can't wait for the u/s on Friday. If everything is ok at that point, I'm going to buy or rent a fetal doppler. It should arrive by the time I'm 10 weeks, and hopefully that will give me some peace of mind.

male factor news

Are Environmental Contaminants Endangering The Fertility Of Future Generations?

Main Category: Fertility
Article Date: 17 Jun 2009 - 2:00 PDT

We know that the environment can have long-term effects on our health, but what about the health of those who aren't born yet? A recent study looking at the birth weights of more than 5 million children born in Canada between 1981 and 2003 showed an increase in the frequency of genital malformations in male newborns and a decrease in male fertility.

Researchers concluded that the growing presence of environmental contaminants could be a plausible source of blame. What are the effects of these contaminants on the health of mothers and fetuses, and what are the implications for future generations?

Dr. Michael Kramer, Scientific Director of the Institute of Human Development, Child and Youth Health of the Canadian Institutes of Health Research, and key collaborator on this study, is available to discuss the study results and the impact of environmental contaminants on the health of mothers and fetuses in the present and the future.

Source
Canadian Institutes of Health Research
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/154185.php


Note from OHW: The article says there's an "increase in the frequency of genital malformations in male newborns and a decrease in male fertility," but I'd like to see numbers. I'll have to see if I can find the study itself.

8w6d and nervous

I'm anxious about the u/s on Friday, though I'm trying to talk myself into thinking puppies and rainbows. So worried about bad news.

In the meantime, I'm wiped, which is still a good sign, I hope. And I need to find something for supper, still, but can't thinking of anything palatable. Other than that, I feel just so ... normal. Bbs are fine, no bloating, no cramps, etc. I keeping hearing that it's normal for symptoms to wax and wane, but it's still so nerve-wracking.

Anyway, DH is gone again for work, so maybe I'll go out and see if Thai food will work for me today.

8w5d

Today was my first-ever due date. Yeah, I'm not feeling too verbal about that, but I am ok, I think. I try not to think about what I would have been doing today, had things been different. I'm glad I have other things to think about.

On another note, I am still having a humourous struggle with food. Pretty much everything except for fruit and milk tastes disgusting and makes my stomach churn. (And normally I am not a picky person.) But I'm hungry every 2 hours on the dot, so I'm constantly thinking about what I'll be able to eat next. For now, I just had a huge bagel - encrusted with cinnamon, brown sugar, and icing sugar, and covered with real cream cheese (all killer, no filler). Not something I'd usually eat, but it was so good! lol

But DH wants to make bacon-wrapped scallops for dinner. Ewwww. I don't think I'll even be able to handle the smell! I usually love any and all seafood, but not now!

And on yet another note, DH almost outed us twice already! Yesterday, he just about let it slip to his bff that he'd bought a carriage at a swap meet. And then today he said smugly to my brother that I was getting fat. But then he covered his butt by saying I was getting fat in the head from too many academic accolades. I told him sternly not to play little games like that because someone will surely guess! Blabbermouth!

CBC documentary: The Disappearing Male

For people with male factor infertility (or possibly even unexplained infertility): Canada's national broadcasting corporation has created a documentary on how environmental ills, particularly the millions of chemicals in our world, are affecting men's fertility and other aspects of health.

I believe that chemical exposure is the reason for my DH's infertility - since there is no record of such a thing among his many male relatives in his family history - and so I'm going to watch this doc tonight on CBC Newsworld.

The Disappearing Male

Thursday June 11 at 8 pm on CBC-TV & Saturday June 13, 2009 at 10 pm ET/PT on CBC Newsworld

"We are conducting a vast toxicological experiment in which our children and our children's children are the experimental subjects." - Dr. Herbert Needleman

The Disappearing Male is about one of the most important, and least publicized, issues facing the human species: the toxic threat to the male reproductive system.

The last few decades have seen steady and dramatic increases in the incidence of boys and young men suffering from genital deformities, low sperm count, sperm abnormalities and testicular cancer. Some researchers say that declining male fertility rates could be the first sign of extinction.

At the same time, boys are now far more at risk of suffering from ADHD, autism, Tourette's syndrome, cerebral palsy, and dyslexia.

The Disappearing Male takes a close and disturbing look at what many doctors and researchers now suspect are responsible for many of these problems: a class of common chemicals that are ubiquitous in our world.

Found in everything from shampoo, sunglasses, meat and dairy products, carpet, cosmetics and baby bottles, they are called "hormone mimicking" or "endocrine disrupting" chemicals and they may be starting to damage the most basic building blocks of human development.

NOTE FROM OHW: You can watch this documentary for free online (it's listed in the top right-hand corner, underneath 'Doc Zone').

8w3d: what CAN i eat?

Ohmygosh.

Blueberry pancakes dripping with butter and maple syrup. Made with luv by yours truly.

I just ate almost a whole recipe's worth of 'em.

Orgasmically good. I stood at the kitchen counter and shovelled it all down.

DH is gonna be miffed with me - I didn't leave much for him. lol!

I winned an Oscar

I was tagged for Honest Scrap by the brilliant and beautiful Wiseguy. So I'd like to thank the Academy for this award, etc., etc. ;)

Let’s begin:

1) Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.

2) Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with “Honest Scrap.” Well, there’s no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.

3) List at least 10 honest things about yourself.

Ok, here is some honesty from me to you:

a. I joke occasionally about not knowing how to dance, but the truth is ... that I really do not know how to dance. I wish I did. It's been life's greatest rip-off to me that I was born into a culture in which dancing was considered a no-no. (This is why we don't have sex: it might lead to dancing, haha.) Our schools did not hold dances. I was never even able to attend a dance until I was around 23 years old. It was mortifying.

b. I despise vegetables, for the most part, but I eat 4-5 servings/day because it helps keep my PCOS at bay.

c. My friends are often shocked by my TV choices. Because I'm so prim and proper and girly ... but I love shows like Titus (a brilliant and dark sitcom about a hot rodder and his highly dysfunctional family) and The Sopranos.

d. I visited Cuba for 2 weeks, and was surprised at how quickly I was picking up Spanish.

e. Despite my fastidious nature re: my clothing and hair and makeup, I don't give 2 shits about doing my nails. I'll give myself a French manicure for special occasions, and that's about it.

f. I'm estranged from my dad's side of the family. Someone's gotta stand up for principles, and that someone happened to be me. So I'm the black sheep of the family. Blah.

g. I wish I never had to settle down. I'd be happy to pick up and move and change jobs every year or 2. This habit will have to change soon.

h. I hated poetry until I was 23 years old, and now I love it with a passion.

i. I never dated until I met my DH.

j. I'm scared about gaining too many pounds during the next while because I am unable to lose weight. It doesn't matter how healthy I eat or how much I exercise - it's so frustrating.

I need to nominate seven bloggers that I am tagging for this…And here is the list –

1 – Britt

2 - A Few Good Sperm

3 – The Misfit

4 - By the pricking of my thumbs

5 – Conceive This!

6 - Hen Fruit

7 – Pitter Patter

8w1d: OHW die Milchkuh

A boring post again, but I'm somewhat fascinated by my food/drink intake these days. I kid you not, folks. On Monday I drank 1.25 litres of organic milk. Plus ate a serving of cheese and a serving of yogurt. I wanted it.

I mean, I grew up (for the most part) on a dairy, so drinking a lot of bovine juice is not an extraordinary concept for me, but 1.25 litres was a bit over the top, no? DH was amused and said that I was growing a tough kid, at least!

And I ate so much food. I was a little bit embarrassed to tell DH how much food I plowed through. I am not an emotional eater, and only rarely do I eat for fun (e.g., popcorn at a movie). I eat when I'm hungry, and just enough to fill the tank. So it was overwhelming to need a meal every 2 hours. And funny.

Yesterday was an 180 degree shift. I had a hard time getting my breakfast down, and then when I brushed my teeth, started dry heaving. Ok, so no more tongue-brushing until further notice. And I didn't know what to eat for the rest of the day, although I was starving. So I reached for.... milk. Yeah. It does a body good, or so I hear.

Also went to get my teeth cleaned, since I've heard that gums can become sensitive during 'p-word.' My dentist congratulated me in shrieky tones, just as though I were a normal 'p' woman.

And I learned that chamomile tea is off-limits at this 'delicate time.' Of course I freaked because I've been drinking it every day, since I'm off the caffeine. Grrrr.

This morning I met with my sleep disorder specialist. I do have a sleep disorder - hypnic jerks, hypnagogic hallucinations, and a mind that won't shut off. Most of which is related to an anxiety disorder, she says (oh so that's why I'm panicking that my baby is dead?). Yes, I'm special. So she advised cognitive therapy and, when I'm not 'p-word,' Ativan. Yay, I love Ativan. I can use it very occasionally, too, while I'm 'p-word' - Motherisk at Sick Kids says it's ok, with only a miniscule risk of cleft palate - but I don't think I will.

Ok, I'm off to eat again. Thank you for all the food suggestions - I noted a number of them, and will go grocery shopping later. I did make chicken-vegetable soup yesterday, so that's what I'll go grab right now!

FEED ME!

Oh my word, I'm so obsessed with food. I just made a pasta-pizza casserole and am busy chowing down on that, plus a green salad and milk, to try to fill myself up.

I'm eating at least 15% more than I always do. And the kinds of foods I want to eat - since I am being picky lately - just have a heightened sense of flavour. They taste so good.

I had to get up at 12:30 a.m. for a nighttime feeding (walnuts and milk - I figured the oils and protein would keep me going until the morning), and today I've been eating every two hours on.the.dot. I am running out of things to eat! lol

But seriously, I am almost out of food ideas for in between meals. These are my preferred snacks (I don't care for junk food, especially not lately, and am not into granola bars):
-blueberry bran muffin with a few cheese cubes
-plain yogurt with raspberries or strawberries
-celery stuffed with peanut butter and raisins
-cucumber slices and carrots with some cheese

I want some variety, so I guess I'll be all housewifely now and go recipe hunting.

Maybe I should make some banana-walnut bread. That would be good.

7w6d symptoms

Symptomata (since I have nothing interesting to tell you today, and this is all a massive novelty to me, so I'm soaking it up):

-bbs a bit tender and twingy, but they're not bothering me; nips stand at attention 24/7, which is hilarious

-fatigue: I can't walk for hours anymore, and I nap at least once/day, usually in the late morning

-not constipated at all

-cm is sticky and thick; the cervix (aka: The Turtle) is mushy and has receded up the wahoo

-have to be slow to get up from the couch, otherwise it feels as though I'm going to sprain my ovaries or something

-facial acne, but it's easing up - it breaks out at night, and then most of the redness is gone by the morning

-everything smells bad - but no morning sickness (so yay for that)

-hungry every 2 hours (even at night), but all I really want to eat/drink are: water, organic milk and yogurt, peanut butter on wholegrain toast, and fruit

-no headaches

-anything touched with even a bit of sentimentality on TV makes me cry - other than that, I'm alternating between paranoia, disbelief, and euphoria

-sex drive as though I'm 15 years old again

-crampy abdomen - just like mild af cramps

-remembering my dreams at night

three things

Thanks for all the comments on the pram; I read them to DH. He is so pumped about his plans.

This morning I woke up to this scene: DH sitting on the edge of the couch, staring intently at the pram, and murmuring excitedly, "I'm gonna have to chop it!"

Uh oh. lol
____________________________
The hormones are making me feel, er, ready to go at any given moment - and DH is pretty obsessed with my porn star bbs - but we're not allowed to do the deed. So it feels like we're dating again. Plus, just the fact that he and I are sharing this secret is making us all giggly. It is nothing short of wonderful.
____________________________
To end on a didactic note: As most of you know, our biggest impediment to conceiving was male factor. DH's sample is shoddy all around, at least on the outside (though we did see improvement for IVF #2, thanks to diet, vitamins, and exercise). Finally, our latest RE ordered a test called the SCSA, which looks at the interior of the sperm to see if the DNA is ok - which is what really matters, after all, for the purpose of baby-making. It's not a foolproof test, though, since medical science knows so frustratingly little about male factor issues, but it does provide a 'tip of the iceberg' indication of what you might be up against. It turned out that DH's boys were fine on the inside, which led us to try IVF #2. Anyway, Murgdan at Conceive This! wrote a very lucid and informative post on this topic, and I wanted to share it for anyone else who is battling male factor.

show & tell: Pimp my Pram (baby-related, so please feel free to skip if you're feeling sensitive)

Today my very dear husband made the first baby purchase (I'm all of 7w4d, paranoid about loss, and probably will not buy anything infant-related for as long as I can get away with it).

A vintage pram. And it is solid. He paid $40 at a swap meet for it.

The plan is to hot rod the whole thing. Black interior and black paint with a flame paint job. Shine up the chrome, add mags, etc. People are going to go nuts when they see it.

I went crazy when he showed it to me. Won't it be tres adorable? Highly impractical, yes, but who cares? DH said that his colleague and his wife used one in place of a bassinet, which they liked because they could bounce it up and down gently when their baby was fussy. So maybe we'll be able to do that, too.

Gosh, was DH ever proud of himself. As I pushed the pram from the truck up to our suite, he kept looking back at it, and then at me, smiling.

Shortly afterward, we giggled about how, if the Ninja is a boy, we will have newborn photos taken of him sporting a mohawk and a LOCK UP YOUR DAUGHTERS t-shirt.

Even if this all goes to shit, it is a beautiful memory.

Join the rest of the class for Show & Tell here.

7w4d

Thanks for all the congrats, peeps. :)

I need to say something here. For my friends reading this who are still in the TTC trenches: if you feel that reading my blog will be too difficult, and you need to skip it, or even want to stop following entirely, please know that I am not at all offended. We all need to do what we need to do in order to take care of ourselves. Capiche?

Ok, of course, you know I'm all panicked again. I woke up early this morning to a searing cramp in my uterus. Enough to take my breath away. I didn't know what to do (i.e., go to an ER?) because it happened just once, plus I'm not bleeding. So I e-mailed the IVF nurse, even though she won't get the message until Monday. And then I drank three cups of water, ate breakfast, and went back to sleep for a few hours. What else could I do?

I still don't understand, incidentally, why my RE says that I would be at 6w6d today. He said he wasn't basing it on embryo measurements. It sounded as though he was basing the first day as the day after transfer, which I don't get, since his EDD doesn't line up with the online IVF due date calculators. So that's why I'm keeping the original due date. I don't think it matters, anyway.

The 'P' Word

It appears that I am officially 'P.'

To the left, please note Ninja Blueberry Mutant, in all his glory. (I know it's a boy. Not that I care, though, because I don't. A BABY is what I care about.)

Heartbeat: 140/minute.

One healthy embryo, implanted where he belongs. Don't think I've ever seen anything so beautiful.

DH got to see him first - the screen was turned away from me - but it was worth it, just to witness the look on his face. The lab tech was trying to do the scan quickly so that DH couldn't figure anything out or see the heart pattering away (since the RE was supposed to be the one to do the talking, at our follow-up appointment), but come on! Then why was DH allowed to be in the room in the first place? An amazed look suddenly came over DH's face - his jaw dropped for a moment, and he just stared at the picture. Then he said triumphantly to the tech, "Ha ha, you tried to move too fast for me, but I saw it! I know it's there!" She denied everything - she said when it's this early, patients can't tell what anything is on the screen - but he just laughed at her, so she gave up and turned the monitor to me so I could see the embie-baby.

Seriously. What was with the State Secret ... at a viability ultrasound for an IVF patient? Of course the neurotic possible-parents-to-be want to see what's going on! And the heartbeat is unmistakeable - a constant white flash - so I don't know what her deal was.

And she was reluctant to give us a picture, but she finally did when I said that I was just going to take a picture of it, then, with my camera.

But it was amazing. As I was getting dressed, DH sat on the tech's stool, alternating between staring at the picture and then staring at the screen.

We didn't talk about it afterward in the waiting room, but we were busting our guts to scream gleefully together!

At the follow-up, the RE waltzed in to the room and said immediately, "Everything is great, so you don't have to worry." He said that the embryo implanted in a great spot, and that his heartrate is 140 bpm, which was perfect. And he said that I'm at 6w5d, which I don't understand, but whatever. I don't care. I'm keeping my original due date unless my midwife says otherwise.

My response to the RE: "I am very happy with you!" LOL I said that I've sent at least 4 or 5 new patients his way, as my token of gratitude. :) He is da bomb. I love him.

More deets: I'm allowed to exercise again (since my ovaries look much better - just take it easy), I'm off the heavy-dose folic acid, no sex, suppositories for 2 more weeks, etc.

He asked if I wanted another u/s: YES, please! So I will return in two weeks to see the mutant parasite again. :)

On our way out, DH locked the IVF nurse in a bear hug, and then she hugged me, too. She's a great nurse: very professional and direct, and was clearly very happy for us.

So then DH and I bummed around the city. I finally felt 'safe' enough to buy a proper new bra for my expanding bustline (a really well-cut Calvin Klein - on sale).

Had a tough time eating lunch: everything stinks. It's a very weird thing. I finally settled on kick-ass haddock and fries - great quality, but I could not finish it. So now I'm hungry, but everything smells rancid. lol

Oh, and Uncle Kenny ROCKED last night, and so did Miranda Lambert! (Lady Antebellum was ok, but I'm not a big fan.) WE HAD SO MUCH FUN! I think we'll go see him again in August.

Whew! That is my story. I'm officially knocked up. It doesn't seem real to me. I can't even say the 'p' word.

7w2d

Ok, I had to post one last time in a hurry. I definitely have aversions, and it's not all in my head. Every smell that isn't fresh air is making me feel gross. We're going to have a late lunch today in Buffalo at one of my favourite restaurants, but I'm already thinking oh no, what am I going to eat?

Ha ha, maybe I'll barf at the concert. I would actually not find that funny at all, but DH certainly would!

Oh, and DH has a name for the Ninja: Blueberry Smush'ems. Because I told him that this week the embryo is the size of a blueberry, so he pretended to toss it to the floor and ground it with his heel. Ok, that sounds awful, I know, but it was actually hilarious. lol

7w1d

Overdid it today with walking (almost three hours - to my advisor's house and back). So I'm crashed on the couch all evening.

But good news: she loves my thesis. She said it's "exquisite" and "definitely publishable." Plus she's friends with half the writers and theorists I quote, including Aidan Chambers, and she said several times, "Oh, Aidan would love your work." That left me a little breathless! She gave me some very useful criticism, so that's good.

Don't want to eat dinner: nothing smells good.

Anyway, I'll most likely be off here until after the u/s. Chesney's show is tomorrow, and then we have to be up bright and early for the doc on Friday.

Please pray for us.

male factor news: antioxidants affect sperm quality

Wanna post this before I forget about it.

Antioxidants Affect Semen Quality

Low antioxidant intake is associated with low reproductive capacity in semen. This is the finding of a new study carried out in two infertility centres in Alicante and Murcia, and which has been published online in the journal Fertility and Sterility.

"Our previous research study, published in March, showed that men who eat large amounts of meat and full fat dairy products have lower seminal quality than those who eat more fruit, vegetables and reduced fat dairy products. In this study, we have found that people who consume more fruits and vegetables are ingesting more antioxidants, and this is the important point", Jaime Mendiola, lead author of the article and a researcher at the University of Murcia, tells SINC.

The experts have spent the past four years analysing the link between dietary habits or workplace exposure to contaminants and the quality of semen among men attending fertility clinics.

The objective was to find out whether a higher or lower intake of vitamins, which act as antioxidants, could affect semen quality. These molecules, which are present in foods such as citrus fruits, peppers and spinach, work by lowering the level of oxidative stress that can affect semen quality, and improve sperm concentration parameters as well as sperm mobility and morphology.

The study was carried out among 61 men, 30 of whom had reproductive problems, while the remaining 31 acted as controls. "We saw that, among the couples with fertility problems coming to the clinic, the men with good semen quality ate more vegetables and fruit (more vitamins, folic acid and fibre and less proteins and fats) than those men with low seminal quality", explains Mendiola. "A healthy diet is not only a good way of avoiding illness, but could also have an impact on improving seminal quality. What we still do not understand is the difference between taking these vitamins naturally and in the form of supplements. In the studies we are going to carry out in the United States (where the consumption of vitamins in tablet form is very common) we will be looking at the role of supplements", the Spanish scientist continues.

More and more scientific studies show that human seminal quality and male fertility have declined over recent decades. The results of the European study Differences in seminal quality and reproductive results, carried out between 2000 and 2008 by the Valencian Infertility Institute show that Spanish semen is at the bottom of the league table in terms of volume (9th position), mobility (10th position) and concentration.

However, after analysing the quality of sperm, the research team evaluated its functioning, in other words its capacity to successfully lead to pregnancy. In this analysis, the Spanish sperm came second, only behind Portugal. "The quality among Spanish men is around the European average. We shouldn't worry ourselves, although we must monitor the situation", points out Mendiola.

In the countries of northern Europe, such as Denmark, 40% of young men have seminal quality that is below recommended levels for fertility. "The Danish experts are studying the issue, because it is very worrying. Lifestyle habits could be closely related to seminal quality and human fertility parameters. In addition, emphasis has been placed in recent years on the significance of babies being exposed to toxins and pollutants (pesticides, xenoestrogens, etc.) while in the womb, which could also compromise their future reproductive capacity when they grow to be adults".

References: Jaime Mendiola, Alberto M. Torres-Cantero, Jesús Vioque, José M. Moreno-Grau, Jorge Ten, Manuela Roca, Stella Moreno-Grau, y Rafael Bernabeu. "A low intake of antioxidant nutrients is associated with poor semen quality in patients attending fertility clinics". Fertility and Sterility 2009, publicado on line, mayo de 2009.

Source: SINC FECYT - Spanish Foundation for Science and Technology

obsessing over symptoms

I should be in bed because I have to get up early to go to Toronto, but I've gotta wait to feed the cervix. So I will obsess over my symptoms. Just because I can.

My acne is quite hilarious now: forehead, nose, jawline, and around my mouth. It's not that noticeable in the daytime, especially because I have good makeup, but it's funny-looking at night when I'm barefaced.

I feel slight pressure in my lower abdomen from time to time, just like af cramps. (Hopefully that's not what it is, though.)

My bbs are still sore. *Yawn* Whatever - that's kickin' it old school. Yet the nips are persistently standing at attention, which amuses me. lol

Tiring a bit more easily, and also eating a tad more than usual.

This morning and afternoon every smell in the universe was turning me off. I wasn't nauseous; just didn't want to smell anything.

Can't tell much about the cm, since the suppositories turn it all crazy-coloured and weird.

Good signs, I hope ...the thing is that that I can chalk most of these things up to the supps.

I want a heartbeat. What am I going to do on Friday morning if there isn't one? :(

7w0d

Three days left until the big ultrasound.

DH said yesterday: "I don't want a baby. I don't want to be a dad. It's too much responsibility."

I nodded. I want him to be able to express these thoughts. I think they're normal. I mean, I'm scared. I often wonder about the reasons why I seem to want a child. In many ways, yeah, I know that it would be easier to avoid all of it. But I know, deep down, that we both don't want to avoid any of it.

So I listen.
_______________


On a very happy note, for my upcoming birthday DH bought phenomenal tickets to Kenny Chesney! :) It'll be the third time we've attended one of his shows - he's an amazing performer. (For those of you not familiar with him: he pulls in as much money from touring as do U2 and the Rolling Stones!)

But now DH is worried that we shouldn't go: he says I shouldn't be located so close to the stage. I think it'll be fine. Chesney's shows are always high energy, but I've never seen unruly audience behaviour (which is surprising, since everyone seems to be aged 21 or less!).

And anyway, I want to dance with DH to "You Save Me." :)

6w6d

Interesting comments re: the very different OHSS protocols that doctors have. Very strange.

Yes, I have been instructed to drink between 1.5 - 2 litres of fluid per day, which must include some V-8 or chicken broth (for the sodium content). And no mention of Gatorade. Water was fine.

I dunno. I feel fine. I realize that OHSS can rear its head suddenly in the first trimester, so I'm being careful, but I don't think that an extra glass or two of water each day will hurt, especially since I get migraines without it. (Sorry for the repetition - just making justifications to myself!)

Anyway, I had to get up at 2 in the morning to eat, which I've never in my life done before, because I was starving. (Even though I ate an apple and some plain yogurt before I went to bed.) This is good (?).

And my acne is no longer reduced to just my forehead and nose. Yikes!