Had a horrible night, but that's getting to be par for the course around here. Couldn't even enjoy the hockey game. I sobbed almost all evening, and DH stayed on the phone with my brother while watching the game, because he didn't know what to do.

We stayed up until midnight, talking. He begged me to consider adoption, but it's just not right for me now. I wanted to adopt, but after I gave birth to a child (and I have valid reasons for this).

So DH says he feels that he has to give in on the donor issue, since I'm so miserable, he's scared that I'm going to do something to myself. So I felt even worse. I don't want to scare him, and make him upset, or muscle him into using donor as our last resort.

We talked about it some more. He told me why he doesn't want to do it. I told him why I do. So he is going to think for a week about using donor, and I will re-evaluate my stance on adoption.

I feel so terrible and guilty because he has to go through all of this. He went to work this morning after only 5 hours of sleep. So I made one of his favourite dinners - salad with homemade dressing, sloppy joes, fruit salad - and we're gonna watch August Rush.

I did feel a little better today, that is, until I saw - on Facebook (where else?) - that friends of ours are expecting their first. Of course. And so it goes.