duggar family

I am fascinated by the Duggars on that TV show, 18 Kids and Counting. Part of their life seems so foreign to me, and yet part of it is very familiar, since I grew up in a similar ultra-conservative community. For me, watching their show is like pulling on an old favourite coat. Even though the piece is out of style, and maybe a bit threadbare, it's comforting to feel your body enclosed by it again.

Today I watched the wedding special - the eldest son got married - and felt so sad, though, for the first time. It reminded me of my lost history that has yet to be written. Not only do I have to grieve the loss of children, but I have to grieve not being the mother of the bride. I have to grieve not helping my son pull his sh!t together before his wedding day. I have to grieve the loss of grandchildren and great-grandchildren. It's a whole future that seems, and probably is, unattainable for us.

Usually I watch those crazy ton-of-kids shows (like the Duggars and Jon + Kate) with the proverbial grain of salt. I never envied their lives, as I knew having that many children would be a recipe for mania in our lives. But now ... well ... I do kinda wish we could have that. Somehow we would make it work.

I'm kinda lonely tonight. I usually enjoy my own company - I'm a pretty introverted person - but today I'd like to have a face-to-face conversation with other people. DH is here, but he's in bed already. I wish that all of the fabulous women (and men, too!) reading this could come over. I've got homemade organic hamburger/vegetable soup, cheese bread, Greek salad, and rum. You're more than welcome to drop by. :)