apparently i am massive?

Am getting really tired of people’s comments. Wow, can they ever say and do dumb things to pregnant women. E.g., inspecting my butt to see if I’m having a boy or a girl; or one of my SILs walking into my house and exclaiming that my ankles are huge.

I felt really good about my self-image until people started telling me how massive I have apparently become. This doesn’t even really make sense to me. I was average-sized to begin with – and quite toned from the gym – and I’ve gained only around 20 pounds. You really can’t even tell from my face or from my posterior view that I’m expecting: all the weight is in my belly and, to some extent, in my upgraded boobs. So I think, realistically, that I must look normal for a woman who’s at 33 weeks’ gestation, but that’s hard to remember when all the adults around me – not the kids or even the adolescent students in my care, interestingly enough – are emphasizing my seemingly elephantine proportions. DH waves it off and tells me I look gorgeous, though, so that’s good.

Anyway, I’m GLAD to be huge – it means I have a baby growing away!

midwife appointment

Midwife appointment. DH managed to attend, and then the focus turned to helping HIM cope with labour and delivery! He was ridiculous during the appointment. He’s nervous about how baby’s getting out and so it calms him to heckle the midwife. Good thing she’s a good sport about it!

Ninja is doing well. His position is occipital posterior, meaning that he’s head down, facing out, when I want to get him to face my back. So I’m supposed to sit hunched forward, or lie on my sides, rather than lounging to try to get him to turn around in the next 7 weeks, otherwise I’ll apparently get really bad back labour.

baby shower

One of my dear friends threw me a baby shower today. Involved her family, whom I consider family, as well. They took me to the nearest REAL city for lunch at an Italian restaurant and shopping. Then we went back to her parents’ place for gifts and snacks. I wasn’t terribly talkative, since I was so tired from the week at school, but I had a wonderful time. And they gave me the loveliest things: 3 handmade blankets, a box of homemade canned goods and baking, a Bumbo (have never seen this before but it looks like a great idea), and a bunch of other stuff.

So it wasn't really a shower: it was just her family, there were no games, no decorations, and no goofy finger sandwiches. Yay! It was a million times better.

Then I finally felt in the mood to shop, so I went back to said real city on Sunday and did baby shopping. Well, really I got necessities for a homebirth. Everything from an aquarium net to lemon juice!

whoa, i'm big!

Now I REALLY feel pregnant.

Starting last weekend, my sleep started getting affected - I'm up to pee every night at 3 or 4 in the morning, and can't go back to sleep afterward. By Wednesday I was such a zombie that I had to call in sick. (Ninja had a great time that day, incidentally - he didn't sleep all afternoon, and was busy jumping around. It was fun.)

Ninja is growing and growing. He likes to push himself out as far as possible, so there are baby body parts sticking out everywhere. DH thinks this is all massively gross! Haha.

And, also starting this week, people started commenting on how fat I am. (Which I'm not, actually: I'm pregnant, not fat.) I'm getting these comments every day at work, and it makes me wonder why people can be so inconsiderate toward pregnant women. I mean, I am aware that I look very different, but there's a good reason for it, and I don't need to have it pointed out to me. A colleague actually told me that my face was "chubbing out." I looked at her in shock; she tried to clarify what she was saying, but it didn't work, and I was too stunned to respond. I don't know where the comment came from - my face looks the same as it did before. But I was nearly in tears for the next hour - I hadn't slept in two days and my classes were wearing me out, so I was hyper-sensitive.

These are not complaints, incidentally. Overall I feel good, except for the fatigue. Actually, I feel better than normal because since I got pregnant, my chronic debilitating back and neck pain have disappeared. I'll take all the pregnancy discomforts in exchange for having a comfortable spine!

And I am surprised, honestly, that these physical sensations took so long to crop up. I mean, really - I made it to week 31 feeling almost completely normal. I thought I'd feel like crap for all 40 weeks, so my experience has been amazing!

midwife appointment today

DH surprised me by showing up. Good timing for it, too, as we went through the birth plan, so it was helpful to have him there for such decisions as circumcision (the answer to which is a resounding no, by the way). DH was cracking jokes out of sheer anxiety and nervousness; I didn't realize the extent to which he dreads l & d. He grew up on a farm, so he's more than familiar with the birth process, but he says "an animal is different than a wife."

We'll see if he's even present, though. He'll likely be too far away to drive back in time, though he's going to try, of course. And even if he does make it, I don't know if he'll stay in the same room as me. I'm not too worried about it, though.

Anyway, the midwife checked out the baby, and all is well. DH was very curious about what she was looking for and why. And apparently I had a contraction while she was doing the examination, but I didn't feel it. I haven't felt any of those toning contractions that I'm supposedly having. Yay for me.

Wanna hear something funny? Cervadil (which I guess is an agent that helps induce labour) is made from pig semen. Ewwwwwww... (I did not know this, but DH sure did! the midwife mentioned Cervadil when we were discussing how to avoid induction, and DH started laaaaaughing...)

Had the worst dream!

I have the baby. It's a he. He's happy, quiet, content. Very small.

I keep misplacing him! Put him on the couch, then can't find him. Getting anxious. It's been three hours since he last nursed; I need to feed him - he must be dehydrated already - but where is he?

I dig frantically through the pile of coats and blankets on the couch. Nothing there. I go through the coats: I know I put him on the couch, so maybe he's sleeping in a jacket pocket? Nope, no baby.

And then I wake up. :(

definitely feeling pregnant

oh boy, the pregnancy aches and pains i kept hearing about have kicked in. literally. 2 days ago, ninja started giving me 'crotch zingers.' yowch!

yesterday i was officially 'uncomfortable.' sitting on a friend's couch, baby stretched out in an awkward position, and me feeling as though my period would start any minute: cramps reaching from my abdomen to my knees. went home, went to the bathroom, and then felt ok. don't know what that was about. was it a contraction?

i can't stay on my feet forever, as i've been able to do for most of 2nd and 3rd tri. get too tired and out of breath, and sciatic nerve starts grumbling.

also, i can't change positions in bed without practically standing up and then switching sides. otherwise my stomach hurts.

the discomfort pretty much all started this week, at week 30. i take an anthropological interest in all of this. i'm so grateful to be pregnant - i still check the tp every single time to see if there's blood - i find my changing body completely fascinating.

i still think i look good. i looked at myself in the mirror and thought about how lucky i am and how much i like my body right now. strange. i wonder how i'll feel about my body post birth. i hope it's not too much of a culture shock for me, even though i know a lot of yucky things are just inevitable.

on a side note, my prenatal classes have been cancelled, due to lack of woman- and man-power because of the H1N1 thing. ah well. my midwife said it was no big deal; she'd tell me what i need to know. oh i am so glad to have her - a doctor would never have the time for that!

H1N1

Got the H1N1 shot. My muscles are pretty sore, especially my pelvic area and butt. I have to walk pretty slowly. And I was so tired last night - I kept falling asleep even though I was trying to stay awake! That was a first for me.

Baby is still fine - regular movements, etc.

Anyway, I am glad I got it. H1N1 has hit our town, and at least 1 of my students told me that he'd had it. I have other students, as well, who are so sick I don't know why they don't stay home or go to the hospital.

The reason I finally made up my mind: I e-mailed the RE, whom DH and I both trust, and he said that he's recommending it for us both, as well as the seasonal flue vaccine. That was the deciding factor. He's the miracle man in our collective opinion, so what he says goes.

scaring the baby

DH and I scared the $hit out of the baby yesterday, and we're feeling bad about it! DH is busy renovating the basement, and it got really loud yesterday for around half an hour as he and his apprentice messed around with the ductwork: it felt like the floor was going to cave in. Ninja jumped around and shuddered. I felt so bad; didn't know what to do. It was too late to go to someone else's house, no restaurant was open that late, and it was too cold to sit outside. Ah, poor baby. :(

DH tiptoed in this morning to see me, and he asked anxiously if the baby was ok, and planted a kiss on my belly. I think so, but I hope we didn't traumatize him!

update

Busy busy around here. Report card time, basement renovations, more thesis revisions, and so on. Hoping to do my thesis defense before Ninja arrives; we'll see.

Found out this week that DH will be GONE in January because of his job, and will likely miss Ninja's arrival. He's trying to retool his schedule, but there aren't many options. It's unavoidable. So I plan to hire a doula; plus my dear friend, S, says she'll be there for the birth and afterward, if I need her. Nobody else will be allowed to see the baby until DH gets home. Nothing else we can do about it.

Still considering where to have this baby. Initially, my instinct said 'hospital' - even though I KNOW that for healthy women with uncomplicated pregnancies, home is just as safe, if not safer. My midwife encouraged me to trust my instinct. But now I'm thinking that home would be better. I don't want to be on a hospital timeline to give birth - the idea of having to watch the clock would make me anxious, and possibly slow my labour - plus I'm leery of all the flu-ridden people who'll likely be in the same building. And my house is not far from a high-risk hospital, so that works in my favour. Good thing I can change my mind at any time re: locale.

After much deliberation, I've decided to get the unadjuvanted version of the H1N1 shot. I've never gotten a flu shot before - and would normally not consider it - but my gut tells me to do it. DH is really unhappy about this, but I pointed out to him that my health is also at stake here, since I'm in daily contact with hundreds of germ-ridden children. I've had students so sick that I've sent them home, or even to the hospital.

But so far I am well. Nothing much to report, really. My bra in the last week has become slightly too tight, so I shifted to a maternity bra. And my sleep habits have become odd: I'm having less trouble falling asleep, but I awaken really early (like 4 a.m.!). Belly keeps blossoming, so I guess I'm eating enough!

Ninja is beginning to live up to his name. Yesterday he was pushing his head and his butt up against my lungs, and it was hard to breathe! Then, for about half an hour, he went crazy, all limbs flailing at once. I felt like a gigantic can of shaken-up Coke!

starting to feel it

I'm thoroughly exhausted after 12 hours/day on my feet.

My abdomen appears to have grown 20% in size in the last few days. And, for the first time, my belly has been uncomfortable at night - I need a pillow to prop it up.

My feet are so swollen I can hardly get them into my sneakers, let alone any pretty shoes!

I finally feel pregnant. :)

But really, compared to 99% of the pregnant population, I still feel great.

Had another midwife appointment yesterday. She couldn't get a vein for my 28-week labwork, which was hilarious. She felt awful about it - the 2nd or 3rd attempt resulted in blood spraying everywhere - but I was too busy laughing about it. I told her how many shots I took to GET this far, to try to make her feel better!

Baby was close to the surface of my belly last night - kinda curled up like a banana - so I got DH to trace the outline of the body. He was grossed out by that. Haha.

Off to get my hair butchered. I've been growing it out, but it just doesn't look good, due to the wavy texture, and it's starting to look like a 'tired mommy' 'do, which does not go with my cute wardrobe and cute bump. And I don't have time to straighten it every day. Guess I'm going short-ish again, plus I'm getting it coloured - hope it looks good. I want a low-maintenance cut for the winter, which will be difficult to achieve, since my hair is so annoying!

28 weeks!

Third trimester! There are conflicting reports as to when 3rd tri begins, so I’m going to stick with 28 weeks. Today! Hurray for Ninja!

Coincidentally – or maybe not so much – today was the first day I felt huge. Not painful or even uncomfortable; just weirdly enormous. DH and I have to hug ‘sideways,’ otherwise my belly gets squashed. It’s lovely.

I must say that I’m massively lucky to be able to stay on my feet all day. (My feet are swollen, but that’s about it – they don’t hurt – I just can’t wear my pretty shoes.) I don’t even sit down for lunch, really, and I don’t feel bad by the end of the day: just tired, but I always feel that way after a day of teaching. I said to DH about six times tonight that I’m lucky to be so mobile.

Ninja’s movements are becoming more pronounced. I can distinctly feel certain limbs, and I know where his head is (because when he’s active I can see and feel it bobbing along the surface of my abdomen!). When he makes a major shift it feels like the barometric pressure is changing in my stomach. Fantastic. A few days ago I was lying down with my laptop, and noticed that my stomach was crooked. I poked the bulge, and it was definitely a bum. So – because I couldn’t resist – I poked it until he repositioned himself … away from my obnoxious fingers. Oh, the dear babe is going to be so annoyed with me! ;)

I wonder at what point the kicks and punches start to hurt. Nothing has been painful yet, but I keep getting the “just you wait” comments about that. I’m sure it’ll happen soon enough as revenge for my intrusions into Ninja’s inner sanctum. (Sorry, babe, the sanctum belongs to me.)

Two days ago, DH already put out the feelers re: when we’re using the remaining embryos. Yes, this seems a bit premature to ask, considering that we don't yet have a 'take-home' baby, but he’s pushing 40 and he doesn’t want to be an older father. His dad was over 40 when he was born, and he’s already gone; that’s been hard on my poor DH. So this is something to think about.

pondering the heiny flu

Media hype. What to believe? What not to believe?

In my case: piggy disease. Aka: H1N1. Or, as DH terms it, 'heiny flu.' ('Heiny' meaning 'bum.' And then he laughs hysterically.)

To vaccinate or not to vaccinate?

Phoned up the midwife. One of my questions, which hasn’t been addressed by the media, is: what was the socioeconomic status of the pregnant women who’ve died from H1N1? – because if most victims were impoverished, of course they’re more likely to die. Confirming my suspicions, she said that most pregnant women who’ve died from this flu are those who were poor (i.e., living in substandard housing, eating poorly, drinking unsafe water) and/or were immuno-compromised to begin with (e.g., recurrent bronchitis). I am neither.

She also shared info on the vaccine’s ingredients, and said that if I decide to get it, I should go to my family doctor, who has the mercury-free version.

Overall, though, she didn’t express a preference one way or the other. All she asked was that I make an informed choice, because she didn’t want me to get vaccinated if I had doubts in my mind.

So now I’ll have to do some more research.

I’m getting nervous about this decision, especially since I work in a germy environment. The custodians do their best to clean and disinfect, but come on, we’re spending time with icky teenagers who sneeze on everything and share drinks and kiss each other. Today I had 10-12 students out sick.

Wonder what they’ve got.

I also asked about Ninja’s reduced movements as of late – he hasn’t been much of a ninja! – and she said it’s normal, since he’s getting less space to move around. So I’ll keep an eye on it, and if I’m not comfortable, I’ll go in so she can check things out.

names

DH decided last week that he didn’t like any of the names he picked out, so now he says that I’m supposed to create a short-list, and he’ll choose the winners. In theory, this sounds good, but I know he’ll hate everything I like! (Plus I'm a little disappointed that he didn't want to use the name of his deceased father, but I understand that would be too hard on DH to have a kid running around with his dad's name.) So we’ll see how that goes.

I don’t care for most names in general, which I know sounds odd, but it’s just that most names are so ... common ... and anything unusual often sounds strange, plus people make fun of it. That said, DH tends toward the traditional, and I prefer unique names. (We do agree, though, that we don’t like trendy names. So Makayla and Zachary are out, no offense.) I hope we can meet in the middle by finding atypical names that aren’t outlandish.

In the end, though, I don’t really care. If DH is hung up on a certain name that I don’t like, I’ll deal with it. Whatever. I just want a baby to attach to the name.

27 weeks!

27 weeks today! Apparently the baby weighs almost two pounds and he can open his eyelids. With that, I have – as far as I know – a functioning human being inside of me. With hair and fingernails and everything, which is kind of gross, when you think about it!

Speaking of gross, I told DH last week or so that if Ninja is in fact a boy, his testicles were in the process of descending to his scrotum. I barely got the words out when DH responded abruptly, “And I’ll tell you right now that he’s already playing with them.” Haha.

Very stressful day, otherwise. Ninja’s movements decreased today – I don’t like that. He was lying too far back in my uterus for me to use my new strategy to wake him. I used the doppler today for the first time in a few months, and his heartrate bounced around quite a bit. I didn’t phone the midwife, and I should have. But now that I’m lying down for the first time today, he’s moving around, so I guess it’s okay.

Plus I bungled details of my thesis defence, and it’s entirely my fault. Thank God and all that’s good for my thesis advisor, who is rushing in to save the day, and for my DH, who is not annoyed with me for dropping the ball.

bully with a licence

One of those sleepless nights again. Yay. I wish I could call in sick to work – I’m going to be a wreck tomorrow – but I don’t want to miss my classes.

Well, at least DH and I finally dtd! I did have to ask if my newly expanded frame – I’ve always had a flat stomach – was a turnoff to him, since it’s been so long. (I don’t think I’m a turnoff, incidentally: I’ve taken just as much care with my appearance now as I did before I got knocked up.) He said no, it was just that sex with a basketball belly presented a challenge, plus I’m as dry as Letterman’s wit. So experimentation with positions and a dash of organic canola oil solved those problems.

Ninja hasn’t been awake for a few hours now, so – now that I know I can find his major appendages almost at whim – I felt around until I found an arm, and stroked it down both sides. He woke up and stretched lazily for a minute, then went back to sleep.

That’s more reassuring than any doppler!

I told DH about my minor manipulation of Ninja’s body, and he’s calling me a bully with a licence (which is usually what he calls me in the capacity of teacher).

18 oct

I’ve been able to feel Ninja’s head since the first time DH located it; but tonight I discovered I can do more than that. As I type this, I’m busy bugging my poor baby. Just now, I got a pretty good grip on his head and moved him an inch to the left. He didn’t like that, and so I got a flurry of little fists against my hand. hahaha

17 oct

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Had a lovely day – and I deserved it! Sat online at the public library – despite the crappy connection that timed out every five minutes – and caught up on blogging, emails, FB, and so on. Almost finished thesis revisions, too: I have 2 pages left to write. And then I went to a thrift shop to see if I could score a few baby sleepers: nope, but I did find a sleep sack, a hooded towel, and a cap, as well as a few pretty tops and a cardigan for myself that I hope will be convenient to wear while nursing. I left for home feeling so relaxed that I wasn’t paying attention while driving!

But instead of hitting something literally, I hit a figurative target: tonight I reached a very cool milestone! DH and I and his nephew and girlfriend were watching the movie Transformers. Ninja was playing around – he’s always the most busy when I’m sitting beside DH – and DH remarked that he was definitely having a party in there. I was resting one hand on my belly. Then I nearly jumped off the couch – I felt the baby’s arm! I grabbed DH’s hand and guided it over the little bump so he could feel it, too! I poked around a bit and could determine for a moment an elbow and even a hand pushing outward.

It is the height of coolness.

I spent the rest of the movie thinking about how very lucky I am, as I often do these days.

I love being pregnant. I do. This is not just me being the ‘brave infertile’ who vowed that if she ever got pregnant she wouldn’t complain about anything ever again. I truly have nothing to groan about so far. I suppose I could bemoan the awakening sciatic nerve, the dizzy spells, the swollen feet, etc., but I don’t. I don’t really think about any of it. People give me pitying looks for being pregnant – I know, of course, that they mean well: they’re just trying to be nice because they assume I must be feeling terrible – and I can’t help but look at them strangely, because for what reason do I need sympathy? I feel so blessed.

In fact, my midwife asked on her FB what all of us, her clients, find to be the best part of pregnancy, and beneath everyone else’s complaints I wrote “Everything.” I’ve loved it all, even the weird things like poutine cravings and first-trimester fatigue and my changing body and ugly maternity clothes. Though I know that the most challenging parts of pregnancy – other than my first-trimester freakouts about the 2ww, no lines on the pee stick and the non-doubling betas, all of which were still my version of hell – are yet to come.

I know I’m lucky to have had an incredibly easy time of things: I didn’t get morning sickness, I’m still able to stay on my feet for hours at a time, and I haven’t had a drop of spotting. Ninja is kicking as I write this post, so I know he’s still alive, and I’m glad, and I love him. I’m grateful, and I am not taking a minute of it for granted.

This is my belated Thanksgiving.

parental unit trouble - steer clear if ur bored of hearing me whine about this. lol

Friday, October 16

Parents showed up today, bearing food, which I most emphatically did not want. They’re just trying to soothe their guilty consciences (and my mom confirmed this to me in the brief moment that we were alone). Good thing a bunch of my in-laws were over, helping DH gut the basement. But what a crappy Friday evening it was. It was THE FIRST TIME that MY OWN MOTHER has seen my new house, even though she lives 20 minutes away. Because she only has time on Sundays, and Sundays DH and I are usually away. So finally she decided to make time on a Friday night. Hurray for her.
And then they had the nerve to give me a note on which they wrote 2 cheesy quotations about the preciousness of daughters. Mm hm.

The Misfit inquired as to why my parents are being like this; specifically, she asked if they were elderly and/or infirm. They are, in fact, neither. If they were, I would never have expected anything from them. They are simply very hung up on:

- their jobs (which is actually fine with me – I think most people are this way),
- their church (with which I have some difficulty, since I feel that they’d sooner run to help a sick fellow church member than an ailing daughter),
- and their stupid hobby farm (I don’t have an issue with animals coming #1, since, for instance, you can’t exactly ask a milk cow to wait; rather, it’s their attitude toward the garden and the yard that make me angry, since hoeing and picking raspberries and mowing the grass were FAR more important to them than their pregnant, sick, and overworked daughter, and it has always been that way with them; they never even came to see me once in the years I lived in another province, just because they were too busy).

Also, Mom decided that running Dad’s errands were more important because He is her Spouse and therefore Must Come Before All Others, no matter what.

They can say sorry until they’re blue in the face (which they haven’t done, incidentally); the fact of the matter is that they don’t have time for me except on Sunday afternoons, and that won’t change until they are elderly and infirm.

(As far as my brother and SIL go, I don’t know what their problem is. I haven’t even seen them since the August debacle. They’re also more likely to help a friend or a church member than their own family. Which is so ludicrous to me, considering that I’ve always dropped everything to help them whenever needed. In fact, they had a huge monster of a problem facing them – I can’t go into details because it’s a legal matter – and it was only solved when I stepped in – and dropped my own work in the meantime – to get the job done. There’s gratitude for you.)

That’s my ‘cat’s in the cradle’ story. My parents are pretty shortsighted, if you ask me. Wait a decade or 2 until they can’t keep up with their precious yard – there isn’t even anything special about this acreage, incidentally: it’s just acres of grass and a house and outbuildings in need of repair – and then they’ll want me around, and they’ll be pissed if I’m not. And it’ll be, of course, my fault.

I don’t think they realize what they’ve done. I was planning to keep a garden at their place – I thought this would be great for Ninja, too – and they’d told me, after thinking about it a while, that that was ok. However, I’ve realized that this will not be possible, because they will expect me to be there every day in spring and summer, working on both my plot and the rest of their garden (which is huge – it’s a mini-field, and even though they use only about half of it, they still hoe and till the unused portion, for whatever dumb reason), and they’ll bitch about it if I only go once/week (which is really all that’s necessary, and likely all I’d be able to accomplish with a newborn).

As well, I don’t want to go to their house anymore, even after we make up, because my mom has (for the last time) made me feel awful about supposedly ‘leaving a mess’ at their place, even though I DON’T! My parents have told me this since I was a kid – that I’m difficult to deal with because I don’t clean the house enough (even though I always did the majority of the housekeeping since I was around 11 or 12 years old). I don’t want to be there anymore because I’m too afraid of leaving a crumb on the floor or a dirty cup in the living room. So now they’ll be upset that we don’t drop by anymore, and they’ll be doubly hurt that I’m not going over there with Ninja. Well, what do you expect? Babies and toddlers are messy beings, and I don’t want to have to run around in paranoia that I’ve accidentally left a Cheerio somewhere (my parents are really that obsessive about cleanliness). So if they want to see the baby, they’ll have to come to our place, and they will just have to deal with their hurt feelings over this.

I also feel that I, as a new mother, won’t be able to depend on them if I suddenly need help. If I get postpartum depression – for which I know I’m at risk – I will have to turn to my friends and my inlaws, first, because I know they’ll drop whatever they’re doing to aid me, and I really don’t know if my own family would find the time. I’d like to think that they would, but I’m not sure.

I’m pissed off that they’ve put me in this position. I wanted to spend lots of time at their place with my husband and their grandchild. That was the main reason, in fact, why DH and I quit our jobs and moved back home. I even agreed to live in this hick town in a house without a garden because I thought I’d be at my parents’ place regularly so that Ninja could run around, play with animals, grow food, tinker with vehicles, enjoy the night sky, go dirt-biking, shoot gophers, get to know his grandparents, etc. But that is not going to work if the three of us are uncomfortable at their place.

I don’t know why they had to do this. If I’d known this would happen, I would not have moved back here, and I certainly wouldn’t have purchased this house. DH and I had planned to go abroad, actually, to a country that is desperately short of people in our particular fields, and have the baby with us, but I convinced DH otherwise because I thought that my family would want to be involved in my pregnancy and in my baby’s life. Boy was I wrong.

oct 15

2 a.m. Can’t sleep. Don’t have TV or internet hooked up yet – hence the reason for my chronically delayed posts – and I read tons at my job, so I have nothing to do. I refuse to do schoolwork at 2 in the morning, not when I’ve already put in a ten- or eleven-hour day. Can’t do errands, obviously. Have five thousand little must-dos, but can’t do them without using internet or phoning people or driving around. So here I am.

I can’t even blame the baby for the insomnia – my hips don’t hurt anymore and he doesn’t kick hard enough to bother me (yet). It’s just part of my stupid sleep disorder – my mind is racing like crazy and I can’t shut it off, no matter what.

Yes, I know I have to ‘get used to’ the sleepless nights, as my mommy acquaintances and friends and family like to say in a most annoyingly condescending way. But they don’t have to leave the house for work the next morning and be a pseudo-parent to 70 kids, plus answer to all their parents. They also do not get the fact that I have a sleep disorder and so restless nights have been part of my life since I was a child. I understand that caring for an infant is a new game on top of sleeplessness, but it’s not as though I’m rolling in the zzzzzz here to begin with.

Yawwwwwn. Sorry for the boring post.

_______________________

Two hours of sleep and one long workday later…

Oy, I’m tired, and I can’t even blame it on Junior!

Anyway, today we got a carseat. Our niece – yes, our niece – is done having kids, and the seat expires in April but is in great shape and has never been in an accident, so she gave it to us. Right on. I’ll wait another month or so and then I’ll get it installed.

DH’s mom is starting to get excited about another grandchild (if you recall, she didn’t want to get her hopes up because of all the infertility/miscarriages/stillbirths the family has had). She told DH yesterday: “I bought something today for my baby! But I’m not showing it to you.” lol

Still waiting for my ultrasound and for the dates of the prenatal classes. I hope the class starts soon, otherwise I don’t know if DH can attend because he’s going on an extended business trip.

Ok, I should try to get some shuteye tonight.