17 oct

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Had a lovely day – and I deserved it! Sat online at the public library – despite the crappy connection that timed out every five minutes – and caught up on blogging, emails, FB, and so on. Almost finished thesis revisions, too: I have 2 pages left to write. And then I went to a thrift shop to see if I could score a few baby sleepers: nope, but I did find a sleep sack, a hooded towel, and a cap, as well as a few pretty tops and a cardigan for myself that I hope will be convenient to wear while nursing. I left for home feeling so relaxed that I wasn’t paying attention while driving!

But instead of hitting something literally, I hit a figurative target: tonight I reached a very cool milestone! DH and I and his nephew and girlfriend were watching the movie Transformers. Ninja was playing around – he’s always the most busy when I’m sitting beside DH – and DH remarked that he was definitely having a party in there. I was resting one hand on my belly. Then I nearly jumped off the couch – I felt the baby’s arm! I grabbed DH’s hand and guided it over the little bump so he could feel it, too! I poked around a bit and could determine for a moment an elbow and even a hand pushing outward.

It is the height of coolness.

I spent the rest of the movie thinking about how very lucky I am, as I often do these days.

I love being pregnant. I do. This is not just me being the ‘brave infertile’ who vowed that if she ever got pregnant she wouldn’t complain about anything ever again. I truly have nothing to groan about so far. I suppose I could bemoan the awakening sciatic nerve, the dizzy spells, the swollen feet, etc., but I don’t. I don’t really think about any of it. People give me pitying looks for being pregnant – I know, of course, that they mean well: they’re just trying to be nice because they assume I must be feeling terrible – and I can’t help but look at them strangely, because for what reason do I need sympathy? I feel so blessed.

In fact, my midwife asked on her FB what all of us, her clients, find to be the best part of pregnancy, and beneath everyone else’s complaints I wrote “Everything.” I’ve loved it all, even the weird things like poutine cravings and first-trimester fatigue and my changing body and ugly maternity clothes. Though I know that the most challenging parts of pregnancy – other than my first-trimester freakouts about the 2ww, no lines on the pee stick and the non-doubling betas, all of which were still my version of hell – are yet to come.

I know I’m lucky to have had an incredibly easy time of things: I didn’t get morning sickness, I’m still able to stay on my feet for hours at a time, and I haven’t had a drop of spotting. Ninja is kicking as I write this post, so I know he’s still alive, and I’m glad, and I love him. I’m grateful, and I am not taking a minute of it for granted.

This is my belated Thanksgiving.