somebody's mother

I am going to be somebody’s mother.

No, I am already somebody’s mother. I take care of this little guy. For years, I missed him. I changed my life for him – just to get him in it. I quit my job and sold my house and moved for him. I gave up all my financial resources for him. I take care of my body for him. I’m spending my time right now writing about him and wondering if he’ll want to read these words someday. I’m already a mother and so is every infertile woman out there. Mothering is so much bigger than what our society has deemed ‘motherhood.’ I don’t know where I’m going with this train of thought but I do know that we are all mothers because we already care so very much.
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Today was my mom’s family’s Christmas gathering. My cousin was there – the one who shared my first due date with me. I could not look at that baby. I can’t think about it.