attachment parenting

A few weeks ago I read a book about attachment parenting. I don’t know why that approach to parenting needs a name. It just sounds like common sense to me. I didn’t need to read it to know that I want to hold the baby as much as possible (with the help of a sling), breastfeed on demand, co-sleep, etc. But I’m glad that such a book exists because there must be people out there who don’t know that this approach exists.

I was not parented this way. If anything – and I don’t mean to slight my mom and dad by saying this – I was raised with the use of detachment parenting. I: was formula fed, slept in a crib, was left to cry it out when upset, was spanked when I did anything wrong, and usually played alone. (Although, paradoxically, when I was a teenager my parents nearly smothered me and I resented it because I was used to being alone and having to do most things for myself.) From what I understand, most of what I’ve just described was normal parenting for that time and I’m pretty sure that if my parents were to do it all over again, they’d be different.

I don’t like it. Of course, I know I’ll have to be flexible with my approach to childrearing – I can’t fall into the trap of parenting dogma because every child is unique – but it makes far more sense to me to believe that babies need to be breastfed (when possible – please don’t think I’m judging women for whom bf’ing doesn’t work!) and that they need comfort and companionship.

Of course, I think many people approach impending parenthood by thinking about everything their own parents did that they don’t want to do. I know that’s what I’m doing here. I think this is inevitable behavior, for the most part, although I think we risk going too far on the opposite side of the spectrum if we’re not careful. E.g., my parents used a detached style of parenting and so I think I run the risk of swinging the pendulum too far on the other side – I don’t want to be overbearing and smothering and too easygoing.

All I can do is be conscious of my parenting, to try my best, and to accept the fact that I will make mistakes. I know Ninja will have plenty of complaints about DH and me and that if he ever has children, he will also vow not to be like us! I'm ok with that.