deferred dreams

I can't work hard enough or spend enough money to get what I want: a baby.

I can work my way (or spend my way) to anything else. But the most special thing seems to be unattainable for us. I mean, I get anything else I want in my professional life. Anything I'm interested in seems to happen for me if I work hard enough for it (and I mean things that I NEVER thought I'd get, like travel, huge scholarships, and fantastic work opportunities). I'm even applying for a Fulbright scholarship. I mean, why not?

But no baby is coming, so far, despite my massive efforts (and $) to the contrary. I think that this aspect of infertility really bothers American women (as well as Canadian women, like me) in a certain way because of the historical idea of pulling yourself up by the bootstraps. The American dream and all that. That you and you alone are in charge of your path. Infertility really mixes up that idea.

Sorry to get all philosophical. I've been thinking about this a lot lately.