on mother's day (belated)

Reflections on the first four days of motherhood

The first four days of motherhood were a dream state.

My birth experience was so very different than what I had envisioned – an emergency hospital cesarean rather than a low-key homebirth – and yet it could hardly have been more perfect. My DH and I were stormed in at the hospital with our brand-new sought-after baby.

Baby was born just after midnight. We stayed up for hours in our private room. Little Ninja – alert and inquisitive – nursed for the first four or five hours. I don’t remember if DH and I talked. It was dark and dreamy. Finally we drowsed and then we awoke to finish the day.

I called my dad and my mom – greeting them by saying, “Hi Grandpa, hi Grandma.” They came later that day to hold their brand-new granddaughter. My mom was beside herself with joy; my dad tried to play it cool but his eyes were excited. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law came later that day. We made a few other phone calls to announce the birth.

The rest of the three days was like a domestic fantasy. It was storming and so most people weren’t able to come and see us. DH and I talked in our room, stared at our daughter, and fell in love with each other all over again. The baby stayed beside me in the bed because the bassinet was a foreign and unwelcome object. I couldn’t sleep because she was so perfect.

DH was wonderful with the baby and me. He helped us breastfeed, he brought me food and water, he made tea, he ensured that the baby was safe and warm, he questioned the doctors and nurses when he felt that their care was inappropriate, and so on. He brought us orange tulips. He talked to Ninja: “precious baby, I love you, I miss you, I have big dreams for you.” He read to her, cradled her, whispered to her about her beauty, swaddled her, slept with her. After the first night he went home to sleep and he phoned me to say that he missed the baby and me terribly.

After four days we were discharged from the hospital; we drove home just before another snowstorm hit. We opened the door to our home and we started a new chapter in our lives.